Jersey Shore recap: Season 2, episode 6 "Not So Shore" (9/2/10)
So let's start with the basics: there was lots of Snooki-J-Woww-Sammi drama tonight: while Sammi wants to know the truth, Snooki wants to be a rat, and J-Woww just wants to be a jerk, and it all ended with a hair-flying, fist-throwing cliffhanger (I thought fists were for pumping!). Meanwhile, Ronnie's somehow playing innocent in all of this (REALLY?!), Pauly D's making out with Angelina, and Vinny's just being all guido... though apparently that's not enough for his doctor ("Why are you so white?").
But what's more important: Jersey Shore is actually quite the educational show. By observing guidos in their natural habitat, you learn an abundance of knowledge about the human species as a whole. In order to prove my point, I'm going to attempt to share with you some of the facts that I've learned, from watching last night's episode.
1. You cannot put a watermelon into a pinhole.
Rather, you cannot place Vinny's penis into Snooki's vagina. It's just too goddamn big. Do with that what you will.
2. Cigarettes are for smoking, not for eating.
If you try it, you'll eventually vomit it up. Your stomach won't like that.
3. Always have an exit strategy.
If you don't, blonde trampy girl, The Situation will be glad to figure one out for you.
4. It's completely okay to have your friends do all your work for you.
Especially if you're Sammi, it's okay to plan a girls' dinner night, and then have J-Woww and Snooki do all of the work. You can even sit at the table all smug-faced and not eat it.
5. If you have to think about it... it is.
This works with transgendered people, as it did last night, but it also ties over if you have any doubts about any shadiness going on, anywhere, ever. If it looks like a duck, talks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, has a bill like a duck, has webbed feet like a duck, floats on top of the water like a duck, says "Aflac!" like a duck... dude, it's a duck.
Best Quotes Of The Night
Snooki: "I wanna go on a boat, an island... filled with gorillas."
Situation: "I'll be flippin pancakes while people are punching themselves in the face."
Vinny: "It's like your tits... it looks sick... but it's fake."
J-Woww: "What, did you grow some balls?" Sammi: "I always had balls, honey!"
The cast of Jersey Shore: "If you have to think about it... it is."
And the winner!
Vinny: "With this spray tan, this chain, and this fitted, how could she not love me?"
I'm not sure. Maybe it's the mandarin orange look, the clearly fake bling, and the lack of a real shirt.... who knows.
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--Terron Moore occasionally likes flailing around to Justin Bieber music. And writing.
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