Welcome back to what has been widely (read: within my brain) recognized as the best Franklin & Bash recap on the internet! Over the past year or so, many things have changed in my life. I got a haircut; I changed my wardrobe; I learned to play the lute; and I considered a sex change. But one constant remains: My love for TNT's excellent lawyer bro dramedy.
Season 2 got off to a slow start, but with the return of Ology favorite Claire Coffee as Janie Ross, and a guest appearance by Sean Astin (RU-DY! RU-DY! RU-DY!) as a vigilante superhero, Episode 2, "Viper," became an instant classic.
In an effort to limit these recaps to a manageable reading length somewhere under 1,600 words, I'm going to test a new format which tackles each case and storyline separately, followed by some editorializing. Let me know what you think.
MAIN CASE: Superhero Steven "Raven Viper" Piper charged with manslaughter
Steven Piper writes parking tickets by day and fights minor injustices by night. Holy shit, guys, it's Rudy! Sean Astin kills it as "Raven Viper" (diminutive: Viper), who wears a costume/uniform and attempts to stop crimes like purse-snatching. Unfortunately, one night a man who snatched a purse fell to his death after Viper chased him to the top of a building.
Enter Janie Ross, who's prosecuting the case and who recently POSTPONED HER WEDDING TO JAMES VAN DER BEEK! Peter Bash has all the luck. Janie offers the boys a deal that would send Viper to a psychiatric ward for four months, but in true Rudy fashion, Viper tells our heroes, "I NEVER GIVE UP." We're going to trial!
Carmen is tasked with rounding up witnesses from the college dorm that doubles as the crime scene (scene of the crime). A pot dealer tells her he heard a thud the night Viper allegedly caused the victim's death.... hmmmm... I WONDER if that will be important later?
FnB discover Viper's a member of a superhero squad, so naturally they meet in an alley to discuss testimony. Vipers brothers in crimefighting agree to testify.
BUT. Viper has to contend with Janie Ross, who destroys the notion that the superheroes' code of conduct was culled directly from a neighborhood watch guideline. On top of that, Janie uncovers security footage of a verbal altercation between Viper and the victim BEFORE the alleged crime occured. BOOM. Manslaughter just got upped to murder.
Bash has to do some thinking, which happens best when making out with Officer Wendy Cowell, whom you might remember from last week's episode. He realizes that Viper actually RAN AWAY from the perp, jumped from one building to another, and when the perp attempted the same jump, he tumbled to his death. OHHHHH.
Franklin has the unenviable job of outing Viper's cowardice, which he does as gently as one can in a public courtroom. Janie, in her infinite wisdom and empathy, realizes this is a case of mistaken self-identity and drops the charges. Raven Viper returns to his life as Steven Piper.
SECONDARY CASE: Colleen "Peter's Mom" Bash's real estate trouble
The episode opens with Peter and Wendy making out at a classic Man Cave party, only for Bash's MOTHER (Jane Seymour!) to show up and ruin the fun. It turns out she's having some trouble selling her house, so she comes to FnB for help. Turns out Colleen Bash is quite the character, and she DEFINITELY doesn't respect boundaries.
Colleen treks to Infeld Daniels, where Damien Karp offers to help her with her real estate problems. Sparks DEFINITELY fly between them, especially when Colleen forces Damien to Kegel in her presence.
Karp is so good at his job, though, that Colleen sells the house almost instantaneously and suffers from "seller's remorse." She wants that house back! That's the house where Peter was born; it's where he wet the bed; it's where, presumably, he learned to become the Bash we know today. You can't put a price tag on that.
FORTUNATELY, Damien dusts off a law from 1908 which protects bovine passage, and he shamelessly uses it to claim there will be cows passing over the front lawn. The new buyer realizes he's been had by the inimitable Damien Karp, and Colleen gets her house back.
TERTIARY STORYLINE: Pindar confronts Meghan, the woman who caused his agoraphobia
Last week we learned that Pindar's various neuroses stemmed from a psychotic attraction to his freshman roommate's girlfriend, Meghan. After tracking her down on Facebook, he continues stalking Meghan when he waits outside the restaurant she frequents.
What's the best way to attract a woman with whom you're impossibly in love? Shout at her in the street! Always works for me, but for some reason it scares off Meghan when Pindar does it.
Perserverance is key, though, and eventually Meghan shows up at the Man Cave with the stated goal of helpin Pindar sort through his problems. It turns out, though, that she's just as "crazy" (no value judgments here, guys) as Pindar, having stalked her ex-boyfriend, having been married twice, and generally having slept around. They agree to see the same psychiatrist, and we are left with the feeling that Pindar is on the road to recovery.
SumOlogy: FnB continue their 1.000 batting average, and Janie Ross returns to the fold. Wins all around.
Grade: A
LEFTOVERS
-Janie Ross is a blonde after dumping James Van Der Beek. Great move. Can't wait to see sparks fly with Peter Bash again; women apparently find themselves attracted to him when he beats them in the courtroom.
-I DEMAND TNT begins developing a superhero spinoff show called Gold Magnet & Gold Sherpa, based on Franklin's desired superpowers.
-Peter Bash does all his good thinkin' during makeout sessions. I'm envious.
-Bash's mom gives him a booty call. THANKS FOR NOTHING, MOM.
-Sometimes I still wet the bed, so Peter shouldn't feel too bad about lasting until age 11. The voices in my head tell me that a weak bladder is a sign of genius.
-Stanton Infeld as the Wizard of Oz is ANOTHER spinoff I would watch.
-"I've got eight pounds of meat." -Peter Bash
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Follow on Ology: Anthony Schneck | Franklin & Bash
Follow on Twitter: @AnthonyOlogy | @OlogySports
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