During Radiohead's headline slot at Bonnaroo last night, Thom Yorke dedicated the post-King Of Limbs song "Supercollider" to Nashville transplant Jack White, declaring, "This song is for Jack White. We saw him yesterday. A big thank-you to him, but we can't tell you why. You'll find out." Billboard didn't report this part, but literally hundreds of souls immediately left their bodies while Radiohead continued their set, none the wiser.
Thom… buddy… you CAN NOT leave people hanging like that. It's just not medically safe. Or morally sound. Our collected weekend plans are now essentially ruined because, rather than having a good time seeing friends, we'll all be relentlessly speculating when, why, how and what Radiohead and Jack White have been working on together. We'll run through rounds of Six Degrees of Jonny Greenwood trying to figure out the connection all to no avail. We'll imagine the horror… the horror… that would ensue should Radiohead and Jack White play a co-headline gig or team up on a remix or spend a friendly afternoon at Chuck E. Cheese together.
In an conceivable scenario, a small contingent of music fans will, unavoidably, simply keel over and die from the anticipation and/or excitement surrounding this faux-announcement. I hope you're okay with that, Thom Yorke. I hope you can still sleep at night on your big comfy pillow of EVIL.
p.s. Before your heart boils like an Easter ham inside your ribcage (or, you know, before somebody takes it down), check out Radiohead's complete Bonnaroo performance below.