Since the incredible Neil Patrick Harris is hosting this weekend’s Tony Awards, that gives Ologists Emily Cheever and Terron R. Moore the magnificent chance to predict the winners just like every other fancy schmancy critic out there. Do Emily or Terron have any knowledge about what’s been tearing up Broadway this year? Better question: does it matter? Nope! Check out their predictions for six major categories below:
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE IN A PLAY
Nina Arianda, Venus in Fur
Tracie Bennett, End of the Rainbow
Stockard Channing, Other Desert Cities
Linda Lavin, The Lyons
Cynthia Nixon, Wit
Terron: What's a Stockard Channing? Because that sounds familiar. And Christmas-y.
Emily: I think she was in Grease? And I think she was the slutty one. No lie, once this therapist said I reminded her of Stockard in Grease, which is weird because i specifically said boys weren't into me.
Terron: I thought Cynthia Nixon was the slutty one on Sex and the City, but turns out the answer is ALL OF THEM.
Emily: Nixon was NOT the slutty one. That was Samantha. She said that she's a try-sexual
Terron: Ah. Twas. So who do we predict?
Emily: I think Channing or Nixon may win, because they're big names. But I heard a lot of business about that Venus in Furs. And by "heard a lot of business" i mean I've seen the ads on the subway.
Terron: Penis and Furs.
Emily: POW!
Terron: Phineas and Furb.
Emily: That actually is on stage, right now. We're going to do it.
Terron: YES! with SLUTTY CYNTHIA NIXON!
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE IN A PLAY
James Corden, One Man, Two Guvnors
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman
James Earl Jones, Gore Vidal's The Best Man
Frank Langella, Man and Boy
John Lithgow, The Columnist
Terron: IT’S THE BATTLE OF THE TRIPLE NAMES!
Emily: This is tough. I would originally say John Lithgow because he's great, but I heard Phillip Seymour Hoffman was the total shit. In a good way.
Terron: I would say Dexter John Lithgow, not 3rd Rock John Lithgow.
Emily: and then you have Darth Vader?
Terron: MUFASA! MY GOD, ALL THE WINS FOR MUFASA!
Emily: Yes. Darth Vader/Mufasa/ex-spokesperson for Verizon wins. Do you remember those ads?
Terron: There's literally nothing he couldn't do, except actually be Luke Skywalker's father. You know because he's black and all.
Emily: Can he fly?
Terron: Mufasa can leap over hyenas in a single bound. That’s basically flying.
Emily: But if he could fly, he wouldn't have died. SPOILER ALERT!
BEST PLAY
Clybourne Park
Other Desert Cities
Peter and the Starcatcher
Venus in Fur
Terron: I'm all about Phineas and Ferb here. For reals.
Emily: There's a play called Peter and the Starcatcher? That sounds....good?
Terron: Is it a gay play?
Emily: Probably. This is New York City.
Terron: So is every play a gay play?
Emily: Exactly!
Terron: Ah. So everyone's even again. Are there other desert cities besides the entire state of Nevada?
Emily: Arizona?
Terron: Great, now I want iced tea.
Emily: Fun fact: my brother had three gerbils—Arizona, Nevada and New Mexico—they died. But after like 5 years, which was a long time for a gerbil when you think about it. And ironically enough, they DROWNED in iced tea.
Terron: Aww. I bet they looked like little Venuses. In fur.
Emily: They were. Every single one of them.
BEST MUSICAL
Leap of Faith
Newsies
Nice Work If You Can Get It
Once
Terron: If any of these musicals have anything to do with Glee, FUCK THAT MUSICAL.
Emily: Newsies, that's my wish. But I think whoever votes for these things will go for Once because it's "alternative".
Terron: I saw the movie Once, once. i don't remember it much because I was busy getting it in, but it sounded nice.
Emily: Getting it in... once.
Terron: Yup. Just once. Because it was terrible.
Emily: Hey man, that'll happen.
Terron: Noy, did i take a Leap of Faith on that one! Just kidding, that won't win.
Emily: POW! Wait- was he a prostitute? Because that would make more sense.
Terron: ... he was a prostitute that night. Once.
Emily: so he was NEWSIES at it!
BEST REVIVAL OF A PLAY
Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman
Gore Vidal's The Best Man
Master Class
Wit
Terron: So, revivals. I'm looking at all of these as exes, and deciding which i would want to go back to. Gore Vidal is first out.
Emily: I mean, the name alone… be still my beating heart!
Terron: But i'd go back to someone if they were Master Class, yknow? On second thought, why’d I dump them in the first place?
Emily: I don't know, man. We all make mistakes. Life is just one big romantic comedy!
Terron: I can’t think of anything witty for Wit.
Emily: Tit?
Terron: Are there lots of tits with wit?
Emily: Some tits have wit!
Terron: I imagine The Best Man would have lots of tits and wits. And a giant penis. Never mind- Gore Vidal, let's do this.
BEST REVIVAL OF A MUSICAL
Evita
Follies
The Gershwins' Porgy and Bess
Jesus Christ Superstar
Emily: Porgy and Bess, If Ricky Martin shakes his bon bon in Evita then MAYBE.
Terron: YOU PICK PORGY OVER JESUS! BLASPHEMY!
Emily: Yes. Every time.
Terron: I thought Ricky Martin was Gay Jesus (Christ Superstar).
Emily: He might be. He’s definitely a superstar.
Terron: Only Gay Jesus (Christ Superstar) could bring the magical wonder of "Livin' La Vida Loca" into the world. That's all I'm saying.
Emily: But Porgy and Bess is racially important, and it has that song "Summertime"!
Terron: The one Fantasia sang on American Idol back when she couldn't even read good?
Emily: Maybe? I forgot about her.
Terron: She's dead.
Emily: Wait, seriously? Or like, culturally?
Terron: ... does it matter?
Emily: No, actually. It's all the same. We're all dead, when you think about it. #existentialism #despair
Terron: Just livin' la vida loca… #denial
Neil Patrick Harris hosts the 2012 Tony Awards this Sunday at 8pm on CBS.
Follow TVOlogy on Twitter: @TVOlogy
Follow Terron R. Moore on Twitter: @cityfitch
Follow Emily Cheever on Twitter: @emilyfcheever
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