One of the joys of living in New York City is the amazing amount of crap you live above, including, in my case, a karaoke bar/comedy club, which provides me with plenty of Bon Jovi ("It's My Life" and later; these B&T kids were born in, like, 2002) and some fine free comedy shows, provided I don't mind listening through the floor, which I do.
Anyway, a couple weeks ago, this freebie flew up through the planks: "Come on, you guys, you know Michelle Obama gives great handjobs." Probably true. Those arms! I thought this a fine nugget of political observation continuing in the Lenny Bruce / Bill Hicks tradition of speaking truth to power via basic-urge reduction—UNTIL professional stand-up comedian Barack Obama topped a Michelle handie joke with a Michelle blowie joke (the kids call it fellatio).
At an LGBT gala in Beverly Hills, where one of the waiters looked suspiciously like Andrew Sullivan, Barack Obama was introduced by Ellen DeGeneres, who was recently beaten on her show by Michelle in a push-up contest. Here's Obama's lead in:
I want to thank my wonderful friend who accepts a little bit of teasing about Michelle beating her in pushups — (laughter) — but I think she claims Michelle didn’t go all the way down. (Laughter.) That’s what I heard. I just want to set the record straight—Michelle outdoes me in pushups as well. (Laughter.) So she shouldn’t feel bad. She’s an extraordinary talent and she’s just a dear, dear friend — Ellen DeGeneres. Give Ellen a big round of applause.
Twitter is suspiciously quiet about this, which means either PoliticOlogy got the jump on the story, or my office's mind is dirtier than the mean. Whichever. When reached for comment, Bill Clinton said, "Come back when it's been proven in the House of Representatives."
May I never link to Perez Hilton again.
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