Normally I am opposed to police brutality, but when it comes to training police dogs to bite British people in the testicles, I offer my unconditional support. As you may know, the European Championships begin Friday, and England has attracted their delusional, rambunctious, drunk asshole followers to Poland, one of the host nations (along with Ukraine).
Anyone who's dealt extensively with the British -- especially on mainland Europe -- knows that they are insufferable. They're drunk, disrespectful, violent, and they destroy any semblance of order wherever they roam. Like Greece, which probably should look into the Polish police dogs as a remedy to scenes like this.
The Polish police know the Brits' reputation, and they aren't taking any chances; they're bringing out the big guns to stop British hooligans. Here's a brief list of what the Polish have lined up as welcoming gifts for the British, culled from The Guardian:
1) A truck-mounted water cannon called "The Typhoon."
2) 9mm handguns with live ammunition.
3) Dogs trained to attack testicles.
4) The willingness to "come down on troublemakers like a bag full of anvils."
First of all, I love the anachronistic Eastern Bloc rhetoric of the Polish police threats; second of all, fuck the British; third of all, how do you train dogs to bite men "directly in the testicles?" I picture Polish police with prosthetic scrotums, doused in Newcastle beer, sweat and vinegar, shoving the prosthetics in the dogs' faces as they rile the dogs up with attack commands, loud noises and perhaps a cattle prod or two. Then police attach the prosthetics to dummies wearing England jerseys. ATTACK THE TESTICLES!
That's what I imagine, anyway. In truth, I hope that the Euros, which are fraught with political uncertainty (especially in Ukraine) go off peacefully and without any major logistical probelms. But if a rogue police dog decides to attack a few Brits... well, these things happen.
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[The Guardian]
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