In case you were sitting around and wondering to yourself, "How could we possibly make the horror of Black Friday even sweatier and more full of annoying, screeching teenagers?" you're in luck! Teen Vogue has the answer: National Back-To-School Saturday. This is everything that is wrong with the world.
“We’re trying to create a moment of imagination and motivation,” said Jason Wagenheim, vice president and publisher of Teen Vogue, who HAS to know he sounds like an asshat. “We saw it as a real opportunity, because for our girls, back-to-school is important."
The New York Times reports that Teen Vogue has roped in nearly two dozen advertisers like Aéropostale, American Eagle Outfitters, Express, Guess, H&M, Maybelline New York, Staples and Vans - each of them who rely on back-to-school season for a surge in revenue. Unsurprisingly, research shows that shopping for school supplies and clothes seem to peak in the early weeks of August, which is usually around the time that teachers send home a supply list.
Staples Senior VP Alison Corcoran basically compared the would-be national holiday to the hell hole that is Black Friday, mentioning that it would be "for value-conscious parents" who would be happy to know "there’s a day with the best of the best deals.” I guess enough high schoolers really still rely on their parents to buy them everything.
Seriously though, thank GOD I retired my mall job the moment I turned 18 in exchange for greener pastures (you know, waitressing), because I'd like to be at least 3.5 miles away from any and all malls on August 11.
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