DadBoner had a really great Memorial weekend celebraish, you guys. It was a lot shorter than it should have been, because for some reason we only get one day off for dead soldiers, instead of the month that we should get.
For the big weekend, Karl and Dave get the idea to drive down to Indianapolis for the Indy 500, where they hope to meet up with Food Network star Guy Fieri. Karl makes sure they're ready for the trip, and packs up the 'Bring with "2 dirty 30s of Busch for sharin' & sprayin', BL 'Nums, BL Margs, Crown & Diet, plenty of ice, chips 'n dip, Koegels, and my special Captain Karl's Bratato Salad. The works, really. Full spread."
With the trunk packed, they make a couple thermoses full of G&T's, crank up the radio to a special Seger mix, and hit the road. On the way Dave get's a "roader" and gets real quiet for awhile, which Karl says is only natural.
"Driven drifts the mind to thoughts of carnal passions. We've all been there," he says. "If you get a roader, just place the adult mag over your business area until it goes away. Never fiddle with it. It's bad manners, you guys."
Understood.
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DadBoner and Dave don't have a hotel to go to for the night, but Dave says he has a "spot," which turns out to be a Comfort Inn with hot breakfast and no vacancy. It works out ok though, because they just sleep in the parking lot, sneak in for hot breakfast in the morning, and use the pool for bathing.
"Gotta recommend the Comfort Inn parkin' lot accomodaish," DadBoner says.
The next day they get to the track a little late and there's not much space left in the infield, plus they didn't bring a blanket or a table or chairs or anything, so they just "post up on the ground, kimosobe style," and some babe walks by and steps in Karl's bratato salad.
"It's cool," DadBoner tells her, like a true gentle man. "Let's see those chest beefers." She then dumps a beer on Dave. "Ha!" DadBoner says.
Obviously needing to make up for lost time, DadBoner and Dave take a few shots of Crown to get "loose and conversational," and Dave pukes up his third shot. "He's bad at talkin'," DadBoner says.
So Karl goes off on a "Babe hunt" on his own, leaving Dave to watch the stash.
"When it comes to peepin' babes, I scope nothin' but premium, consensual gals," DadBoner says."
When Karl comes back from the hunt he finds Dave standing on someone's table throwin' cold ones into the crowd like Stone Cold Steve Austin.
"So wasteful," Karl says. "It was my idea to do that."
So Karl DadBoner gets up on the table too and starts crushing cans Stone Cold style, and Dave starts copying him. What a corncob. So DadBoner does what comes natural to a bad boy like him, and tries to give Dave the Stone Cold Stunner, but kind of botches it and Dave crashes into a guy who's grillin' a bunch of steaks.
The corncob with the steaks gets real steamed and starts yellin' an' screamin'. Meanwhile the crowd is going wild, but Dave isn't isn't getting up. He just lies on the ground saying his arm is broken. Like he would know.
Karl tells him to put ice on it but Dave just runs away to the porta john. But DadBoner wants to keep partyin' with his fans, and he starts poundin' Crown with a guy named Rusty. Karl wants to go find Guy Fieri to "kick up the bold flavors" and tells Rusty to hang there and watch the stash. Rusty looks confused so DadBoner gives him the "wink and point" and gets to his business.
Karl must have gotten overheated though (no sunsdreen), because he wakes up later "in the middle of chaos" with his pants wet with pee. It's possible that he peed himself, though Karl also points out that he "could have been whizzed on though?"
Karl doesn't remember much after that except that he's "pretty sure I partied with some babes after I woke up with wet pants."
DadBoner finds Dave back at the 'Bring, complaining about his "broken arm," and they go back to the Comfort Inn parking lot for some R&R.
Karl is really hurtin' still when he goes back to work, which is exactly why we should get a whole month off for dead soldiers. Dave still claims his arm is broken, and Karl isn't sure where his pee stains came from, but as he says in our @DadBoner Tweet of the Week, "If you go for a road trip on an American holiday weekend and don't come home in serious pain with dried pee pants, why even leave the house?"
So true, you guys. USA, all the way.
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