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Curt Schilling: It's Rhode Island's Fault For Letting Me Fail (Also, Down With Big Government)

Evan McMurry
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Attention, baseball fans and tea partiers alike: Curt Schilling has something to say. 

Not new, he admits. But this time he's Serious. Because he knows he's said some stuff in the past, about how he wants the gummiment to be smaller, and how libruls are just walking around with their hands out looking for some easy money, and how you what the people of this country need to do is start taking some Personal Responsibility for themselves.

Well, he may have overshot that a little bit. And by a little bit, he means exactly $76.6 million. See, Curt already got $75 million in loan guarantees from the state of Rhode Island (not, mind you, the state of Massachusetts, which perhaps smelled something fishy). But that's not a big gummiment handout, cuz, come on, he's Curt Schilling. Bloody sock? Anybody? Right, so he can get breaks from the gummiment, but it's not like welfare or anything, cause he's totes gonna use it to Create Jobs.

But here's the thing, y'all. He needed $1.1 million more, or he wasn't going to make payroll. And what did the tightwad governor of Rhode Island do? Refuse to give it to him! I mean! How's he supposed to Create Jobs if he can't make payroll? And now all his employees are looking at him. Well, it's not his fault he didn't have any of the $75 million of Rhode Island's money to give them, though he did use $4 million to pay himself back on money he'd advanced the company, so technically he did have payroll, but that's beside the point. It was the government's job to bail him out. It's about Personal National Responsibility.

And get this, everybody, Curt was totally about to close a deal with this financial backer—like, everything was all set—except RI guv Lincoln Chaffee bad mouthed 38 Studios to the press cuz they were going down the tubes, and Curt lost the deal! Is it his fault his business was in such bad shape that he couldn't find any financial backers? You bet the 2004 World Series it is not. It's the gummiment's fault for letting people know that.

Anyway, Lincoln Chaffee denies that he had anything to do with the demise of 38 Studios, pointing out that he approved the $75 mil in the first place, against his own wishes, too. But you know you can't believe him. Cuz you know who Lincoln Chaffee endorsed in 2008? Barack Obama. Yes, THAT Barack Obama, the one who's grown the federal gummiment more than all other presidents in US history COMBINED (so true, Google it) so people can sit on welfare and collect food stamps and contraception. Those libruls, man. Always walking around with their hands out.

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