Are you a wealthy weirdo? Then this is the post for you! Right now, SCP Auctions is offering the Super Bowl XXV ring of former New York Giants linebacker and accused prostitution enthusiast Lawrence Taylor, and the current bid is JUST $37,982! WOWSERS WHAT A STEAL!
I don't want to speculate as to why LT is auctioning off his Super Bowl ring, but I'll force myself: He's probably having money troubles. Taylor hasn't exactly lived the quietest life since his playing career ended -- remember that time he solicited an underage prostitute? -- but for some reason, selling one's personal memoriabilia from significant career achievements feels like a line that's tough to cross and tough to come back from.
That said, who the fuck would want Lawrence Taylor's Super Bowl ring? What are you going to do, walk around wearing it? A doughy, geeky white dude inevitably will purchase the ring, so it's not like he can pretend like he won Super Bowl XXV, especially since "Taylor 56" is inscribed on the side of the ring. Even if it's just a collector's item, what does one do with LT's Super Bowl ring? Show it off? "And THIS is Lawrence Taylor's Super Bowl ring. As you know, Taylor's had some legal and personal problems, so I scooped up the ring for a coll 40 grand." To which one might respond, "Um... cool?"
It's weird, that's all. And sad. Sad/weird. Sweird.
BUT. If you want to have some fun, read the description accompanying the item. Here are a few of the best selections:
"[Taylor] moved like lightning and hit like thunder."
"Held at Tampa Stadium in Tampa, Florida, on January 27, 1991, at the height of the Gulf War, the game was played under much patriotic fervor."
"Presented here is arguably the most significant Superbowl player ring ever offered publicly."
"The ring shows considerable wear, that in some eyes, only enhances it aura."
"In advancing to their second Super Bowl, the Giants also posted a 13-3 regular season record, but with a ball-control offensive and a defensive that allowed a league low 211 points."
Who could forget the 1990 Giants' "ball-control offensive"? Classic.
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[Patricia Traina]
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