So I kind of feel like nothing much happened in tonight's episode of Game of Thrones, "A Man Without Honor." I see where it's going, but considering there are only three more episodes in this season (I know, right?) I kind of want a little somethin' somethin'. Anyway, maybe it was the fact that Tyrion was only in about 5 minutes of this episode, or because Dany should just get to the f*cking House of Undead already, but I am feeling just a wee bit disappointed. Anyway, everyone's a jerk.
In Winterfell:
Theon is still an asshole. When he finds out that Rickon and Bran has flown the coop he goes out hunting for them. He's a jerk to Maester Luwin and a jerk to everyone else. So f*ck him forever, right guys?
Jerk points for Theon: (out of ten) 7.
In Kings Landing:
Sansa officially becomes a woman! Oh periods are so much fun, aren't they ladies? Especially when they mean that you now have to have babies with the worst person in the world. The other asshole, the one that may or may not have sodomized a whore with a poker thing. Anyway, Cersei completely admits that Joffrey is the worst ever and Tyrion tries to calm her down a bit, but it's hard because it's the truth. We almost feel bad for Cersei.
Jerk points for Cersei: 3 for begetting the worst person.
In Harrenhall:
Aw, isn't Ayra the best? Even Tywin Lannister thinks she's precocious. She's got gumption, as they say. Anyway, these two folks from different sides of the war talk. The end.
Jerk points for Tywin: 1 because he's an idiot for perhaps not figuring out that Ayra is a Stark.
At the Stark Camp:
Jaimie kills his cousin, even after a marathon session of ass kissing. He escapes. They get him back. He then talks about all the f*cking that Ned Stark did when he was married to Cat. So he's a jerk too. And Robb is all smitten with that not actually real character of the nurse.
Jerk points for Jaimie: 8.5. Sure, we got to see him be kind of a badass, but for someone who has such intense love for his sister he's really not very nice to the rest of his family/ strong females in charge.
In Qarth:
The creepy bald guy with the penchant for Hot Topic lipstick has stolen Dany's dragons with the help of Xaro. She needs to go to the House of the Undead (similar to the Haus of Gaga) to get them back. And Jorah is in love with her, but we pretty much knew that already.
Jerk points for Xaro and Mr. Kool-Aid: 9. How could you shake Dany's confidence to the core? She's trying to be the Queen of All Things, remember? And she's totes cool.
Beyond the Wall:
ALL WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT IS HOW JON SNOW IS A VIRGIN? HAHA, AN UNFREE VIRGIN, ISN'T THAT CRAZY? Anyway, Ygritte wants to bone him (who doesn't) and her idea of foreplay is humiliating him. This is also the first time she utters the whole "You know nothing, Jon Snow." She's right. He doesn't know anything, especially on how to get his rocks off. Anyway, it's all very sexual tension-esque, more so than whatever is going on between the Hound and Sansa.
Jerk points for Ygritte: 7.5. Blue balls is no laughing matter, especially when you bring up good points about being free. Extra points for the fact that she led my love into a trap.
And the episode ends with the fact that Theon may or may not have burned Bran and Rickon. Theon get's +100 jerk points. He wins the episode.
SumOlogy: Can we just feel one good thing about anybody? Please?
Grade: C+
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