Super Bowl Predictions Guaranteed To Be Less Idiotic Than A Few Others

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Super Bowl Predictions Guaranteed To Be Less Idiotic Than A Few Others

On Feb 03, 2012

Really looking forward to the Super Bowl, you guys. And not just because the two weeks leading up to it are the two most banal weeks of the sports year.

Seriously, if this Patriots-Giants game weren’t such a legitimately intriguing football matchup, we’d have half a mind to skip the game entirely, just out of spite for the inanity of Super Bowl week.

But fortunately, now that the game is finally here, we’re ready to put the Peyton Manning talk on the shelf for a few days because we actually are kind of excited for the game. Here’s SportsOlogy’s official Super Bowl predictions. We have a demonstrated ability to beat the spread 40 percent of the time, so you know you can take these predictions straight to your bookie and clean up.

Anthony's Prediction
Everyone seems to treat this year's Super Bowl as a "rematch" between teams that met in Super Bowl 42 (f*ck Roman numerals), but that was FOUR YEARS AGO. Tom Petty was the halftime performer, and I'm pretty sure he's dead now. Since then, the Patriots' secondary has fallen apart, and Eli Manning's Giants have more than earned widespread respect. That's why I'm reluctant to pick the Pats based on metaphysics (Adam Schefter's cites the "memory of Myra Kraft") or Greek literature (the all-too-popular "revenge" narrative that Trent Dilfer relies on). Here's the link for those picks: http://frontrow.espn.go.com/2012/02/everyone-has-an-opinion-on-sb-xlvi/

That said, I think the memory of Myra Kraft and the Patriots' desire for revenge will be too much for the Giants to overcome. Just kidding. But it seems as though everyone expects this to be a close game, and since I anticipate Brady and the Patriots being able to keep up with whatever bombs Manning throws over the Swiss cheese New England secondary, I'm going to give the edge to the Patriots. It goes against most of the matchup analyses, but dammit, I'm still drinking the Brady-Belichick Kool-Aid. Patriots win, 34-31.

Jon's Prediction
When it comes to playoffs, in any sport, I'm always going with the hotter team. And right now that team is the Giants.

At this point I like the New York playmakers over the Patriots', assuming the shit they inject into Gronk's ankle doesn't completely cure his sprain. Between Cruz, Nicks, Manningham, two capable receiving tight ends and a healthy Ahmad Bradshaw, that Patriots defense could be in for a long and tiresome night.

And while it seems natural to trust Brady over Eli, I just don't right now. Manning has been on point, and we haven't seen that dumb "But I thought you were supposed to cut that way" face. Giants receivers should be salivating at the idea of running routes against that uninspiring New England secondary, especially with Manning as poised and accurate as he's been.

Considering Brady has the mobility of a stocked fridge, that Giants' pass rush becomes that much scarier. I picked against the Giants four years ago, and I'm not getting burned again. Giants 24, Patriots 17.

Bison's Prediction
Forget what my colleague said; this absolutely is a rematch. Why? Because Bill Belichick and Tom Coughlin are still the coaches, and Tom Brady and Eli Manning are still the quarterbacks – and honestly? I don’t even know the names of anyone else on either team. Rematch here we come!

But seriously folks, I really don’t feel comfortable predicting this outcome with the status of Rob Gronkowski still unknown. He’s the most badass football player on the offensive side of the ball in recent memory, and if he is unable to play I really think Roger Goodell should think about postponing the game until he’s feeling better. I’d be shocked if Gronk didn’t give it a go, but how well he’ll be able to perform – who knows?

It’s not hard to argue that the Giants are a slightly better team overall, but I’m going to pick the Patriots because – why else? – you just can’t pick against Brady and Belichick in this game. I’m gonna hedge myself, however, and pick the underdog Giants to cover the 3-point spread Vegas set for the game. Patriots 28, Giants 27

Want to connect with other Ologists? Continue the conversation on My.Ology.

Follow Bison Messink on Twitter: @BisonMessink

Follow Anthony Schneck on Twitter: @AnthonyOlogy

Follow Jonathan Wasserman on Twitter: @JonathanWass

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