DadBoner had a really great weekend, you guys. Was pretty low-key, as far as DadBoner's weekends usually go, but with a big Super Bowl celebraish on the way next wekend, old Karl had a chance to "get his affairs in order."
When we last left our hero, Karl Welzein, his homeless roommate Peanut had just showed up at the parking lot outside his office, hollering about Prince. DadBoner, not yet understanding that Peanut was bringing tidings of great joy -- news that the Detroit Tigers had signed Prince Fielder, Karl had no choice but to go outside and give Peanut the Stone Cold Stunner that he had just finished practicing on Dave. But it all ended well -- Karl threw a big celebraigh that night to make up for it, and made sure to get "top shelf whatever crap Peanut drinks." Maybe it was all the MadDog they drank, but it turns out Peanut does a pretty good Prince impersonation (the purple one).
DadBoner took the low-key weekend as a chance to get a little sleep, and to head out for some McDonald's breffest -- McGriddles, Browns, the works. But maybe the best part of all was that, just when Karl had started to have thoughts of calling his ex-wife Ann again, he ran into a gal at Mickey D's who had a "rockin' caboose."
"Almost went bonkers on some babe for gettin' a Fruit 'n Yogurt Parfait at Mickey D's this mornin' til I saw her caboose," DadBoner tweeted. "Had it goin on!"
Karl went to bed Friday night still thinking about the Mickey D's gal and her caboose. "If only Ann knew my options," Karl thought.
So he went back to McDonald's for breffest again the next morning, but there was no sign of rockin' caboose so DadBoner "just kept orderin McGriddles til 10 am." Stuffed and sleepy, Karl went out to the parking lot and took a snooze in the 'Bring, until he "woke up with a case of the Mickey D's breffest bms" and rushed inside to use the can.
The men's room was locked, but Karl was about to exlode so he went into the ladies room to take the load off. But the ladies room is never where you want to end up when you've got the Mickey D's breffest bms, you guys.
"Right when I hovered over the gal pee splatter and let loose with a power move, rockin' caboose walked in and my world went black, you guys," Karl shared. Karl tried to sneak out without rockin' caboose seeing him, but it after everything DadBoner had just been through, it wasn't an easy manuever. "You could smell my shame over the fries," he said.
Karl then let fly with our DadBoner Tweet of the Week:
"Once a babe catches you blowin' out a post McGriddle backdoor explosion in the gal's john, it's game over in the carnal passions department."
The next morning Dave tried to wake him up to go to church. "Always does that when he's feelin' down or did somethin' wrong," DadBoner tweeted. "So selfish."
Dave ended up luring Peanut along with him because he promised there would be donuts after (sucker), but all they got was a sack full of day olds. Welzein then spent much of the day giving us a glimpse into his surprisingly mossy theological mind.
"Believein' in Heaven is just a safety net so seconds before nobodies die they can think, "I didn't amount to crap. Glad there's overtime," Karl wrote and then shared his views on life and religion. They are quite nuanced, you guys: "Live life like there's NO heaven. Get the job done now. Go all out. The works. The Big Man won't ask you to the dance if you look desperate."
To that end, Karl went all out on Monday, helping Peanut getting a letter into the Penthouse Forum. We should all be so generous with our time and talents.
Really lookin forward the the Super Bowl celebraish next weekend, you guys.
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Follow Bison Messink on Twitter: @BisonMessink
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