Alright, I'll admit it. I've seen my fair share of The Bad Girls Club. While I'm not totally hooked on the show, I do kind of like to remind myself that despite the occasional 6AM night (yeah, I party) I'm still pretty stable and relatively intelligent. So it's kind of like schadenfreude for the young women of America. I guess the biggest source of confusion is why any 20-something (this season is mostly 22-24) would ever sign herself up for the sole purpose of getting drunk and fiesty (in the worst way possible) on camera. It's one of the great mysteries of our time, like "How exactly tall is Tom Cruise?" and "Is Nicki Minaj's butt real?" This new season as the great addendum of being in Las Vegas, so you know, parties and life mistakes and stuff. So It's going to be The Bad Girls Club times a million.

The girls: Dani and Gabi are twins who think that Reno is either a state or casino. Erica wants to style Obama one day, give him a pop of color. The blonde Amy rubs her vagina on people's sheets when she is displeased. Gia shows up just wearing straight up lingerie ("If you date me, you should be scared of me."). Jenna loves sex and wants to get it in with Mr. Rodgers (you know, if he wasn't dead). And Mimi wears fun colored lipstick and probably would kick your ass if you looked at her the wrong way.

So the girls move into the insanely awesome house- wait, can we just talk about how it's so unfair that these yelling bitches get to live in such a nice house? Ugh, the jealousy. I would clean the crap out of that house. Anyway, they start drinking. Excessively would be an understatement. They're so hammered just pregaming I am actually worried about their livers.

Anyway, they go out and Gia throws up on Amy. To quote the puker about the pukee- "If the bitch wasn't sitting there she wouldn't have gotten puked on." Like it's Amy's fault? Yeah, obviously a Bad Girl needs a five foot radius around her at all times otherwise you will get puked on.

And why are women always yelling at each other? I'm just as guilty but for some reason either when we're fighting, partying or attempting to talk the volume level spikes dangerously. That poor sound guy.

Amy's pretty pissed about the whole ordeal and starts a fight with Gia and whereas I would be on Amy's side, she then instantly turns on the crazy switch and starts running around the house like a maniac. She starts screaming at Gia who was attempting to sleep. They start strutting on each others beds and Amy throws Gia off the bed with a pretty resounding thud. 

Sh*t's. Getting. Real.

The producer/camera guy comes in and breaks it up- do you think he enjoys his job?- and Gia and her wayward breasts are thrown all over the place. Oh and it turns out by the time this all ends, it's 8AM in the morning. Gia calls her friend Ash (like a guardian angel that one) who recommends Gia spit in Amy's face. Erica: I'm just gonna go to bed, I'm too tired of this sh*t. 

Mimi decides to get into the fight (WHY) by drawing on Amy's picture. What a slight! I DO BITE MY THUMB AT YOU SIR. So then Amy sucker pushes (yet a forceful push, sending her to the floor) Mimi, Gia gets back involved and rips Amy's hair out. The producer gets involved and has to literally tackle these bitches. 

Oh and then for some reason Jenna and Gia start fighting. I don't know. If this is the first night I'm very much concerned. Those poor f*cking producers. Those poor. F*cking. Producers. Anyway, more hair is pulled, the producers take Gia away and everybody wonders if Gia's actually going to leave. Taking Amy's hair extensions as trophies, Gia gets the f*ck out of the house to perhaps pull more hair across America. And She never put on anything else besides that lingerie. As Erica said of Gia from the very beginning, "You know what they say about short people...they're sneaky." 

The reason why I felt like I had to really recap every single fight in this review is because this is what this show is. It's a lot of drinking, a lot of yelling, a sh*t-ton of hair pulling and more things to make you kind of fear for America's female youth. We all hope that they're just doing it for the cameras, but of course, what would be the point in that? It's despicable and disgusting but damned if I didn't have some fun watching it. I literally pulled a Raven:

SumOlogy: DEEZ BITCHES BE CRAZZZY.
Grade: 8.5/10....that's right, that's how much I enjoyed myself.

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