Oh man, this story is a BIG one. It's so yuge that even the USA Today is "reporting" on it, so you KNOW it's built on a solid journalistic foundation. You better sit down before we tell you what the story is, because it will make you spit your screwdriver all over your computer, and no one wants to waste booze in such a fashion. Are you ready? Here goes: Tim Tebow will definitely lose his virginity to pop star Katy Perry.
Russell Brand Files For Divorce From Katy Perry
Here's what we know: Katy Perry, recent divorcée, and Tim Tebow, devout Christian, are scheduled to meet at the church where Perry's parents serve as pastors. When we say "scheduled," we mean, "the Perrys have allegedly asked him to come on down, maybe, some time, if he's free, when Katy might be there." It's reasonable to assume, however, that Tebow will definitely make the trip, because who wouldn't want to meet Katy Perry?
This report comes from an anonymous source who spoke to OK! Magazine, but curiously enough, the links provided in the articles upon which this story is based link only to OK!'s home page.
Which is MORE than ample evidence for us to run with this red-hot news item! Hey source, do you have any information on what Katy's parents think of this? Why, yes, s/he does:
"Katy's mom firmly believes the best cure for heartache is to quickly fall in love again... In her mind, Tebow is the perfect guy for her daughter. He's handsome, charming, intelligent and above all, a good Christian."
Translation: Katy Perry's mom thinks she needs a good f*ck. Tebow's such a good Christian, though, that he plans on refraining from sex until marriage, which leads us to a logical conclusion. When Katy Perry and Tim Tebow meet in church, they will fall madly in love, get married and share a special honeymoon together. That's when Katy will pop Tim's cherry, they'll have 12 athlete/performer children together, and the whole world will fawn over their union wrought in Heaven.
Whew. We wore ourselves out. You heard this definite rumor here first: Tim Tebow will lose his virginity to Katy Perry.
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