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NBA Trade Rumor: DeMarcus Cousins To The Boston Celtics Would Make Them Even More F*cked Up

Anthony Schneck
SportsOlogy

FINALLY. Another trade rumor has come down the pipes and wound up in the septic tank that is SportsOlogy. Wait, bad metaphor. Anywho, the target of pretty much every NBA trade rumor these days is disgruntled Sacramento Kings forward DeMarcus Cousins, who pretty much came out of the womb a head case. Cousins has locked himself in a battle with the Kings, demanding to be traded, or not, or something. The situation is a bit hazy, but suffice it to say that the Kings and Cousins aren't getting along. But who would want such a tempermental young man? The Boston Celtics, apparently.

Gregg Popovich Hates America

NBA Trade Rumor: Jermaine Dupri Says Dwight Howard To The Nets Is A Done Deal

The Celtics are still reeling from last year's Kendrick Perkins trade, which sent Perk to the Oklahoma City Thunder in exchange for Jeff Green. Green will miss the entire year this season after undergoing heart surgery for an aortic aneurysm that was discovered during a routine physical. The loss of Green leaves the Celtics looking even older and thinner than last year, which is almost inconceivable considering how old and thin they already were. 

So DeMarcus Cousins is the (rumored) answer. Cousins would certainly fit the Celtics mold of requiring all of their players to be utterly insane. Kevin Garnett is a pathological asshole. Ray Allen is OCD. Rajon Rondo is a roller skater/alien. Paul Pierce once walked himself to the hospital after suffering approximately 239 stab wounds. DeMarcus Cousins should feel right at home in Boston! 

That's just the mental aspect of it. He also brings youth and versatility to a Celtics team in desperate need of both. Brandon Bass isn't going to win a title all by himself, you guys.

The sticking point, of course, is that virtually every NBA team has called the Kings about Cousins. Who would the Celtics trade? Would they have to give up Rondo?

None of this matters in rumor reporting. We don't have to remind you (but we will anyway!) that SportsOlogy will keep our finger on the pulse of NBA trade rumors, real, imagined, or invented right in the Ology offices.

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[Report: Celtics have called about Cousins]

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