Smashing Pumpkins head honcho Billy Corgan reveals in a new interview with The New York Post that he hopes to pen a Broadway musical someday. "I want to be a better songwriter before I try Broadway," Corgan notes hesitantly, "If I do Broadway, I'm not coming to write three-chord rock songs." If you're reading, Billy, can I be the first to point out that you already have written a sprawling, theatrical master work of non-three chord rock wonderfulness—it's called Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, the Smashing Pumpkins' 1995 double-album teen angst colossus. Now I know, I know, you've insisted that you don't want The Smashing Pumpkins to become a "nostalgia" act, but you've been making records for 20 years now—there's no real way around it, I'm afraid.
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To (hopefully) help change your mind, I've put together a list 10 reasons why Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness would make a fantastic Broadway musical:
No. 10
Musically, it's the best thing The Smashing Pumpkins ever recorded.
Billy, do you remember a scrawny, bespectacled nerd at your 2004 book signing at the Virgin Megastore in New York telling you that Mellon Collie saved his life in high school? Yeah, um... that was me.
No. 9
It already (kind of) has a plot.
Dawn to dusk? Twilight to starlight? The promise of a new day, the teenaged hopes and dreams of a lonely wanderer? Does this sound like, oh, I don't know... a thousand other successful musicals I've already seen?
No. 8
Here's something to help get you started...
...Okay, so Zero is a grungy '90s wallflower who falls in love with Lily, the record store clerk, but she's moving back to Chicago after (tonight) tonight's party and he's only got one day to muster the courage and existential know-how to profess his feelings for her. Along the way, he hangs out with his best friend ("Jellybelly"), goes for a long swim ("Porcelina Of The Vast Oceans"), shoplifts at the local convenience store ("1979"), and accidentally triggers the end of all things known and unknown ("Tales Of A Scorched Earth").
No. 7
I want to see a giant singing rat on stage.
In a cage, of course.
No. 6
James, Jimmy, and D'Arcy could probably use the money.
Give 'em a spot in the pit orchestra?
No. 5
If Green Day can do it, anyone can...
No. 4
...Seriously, I kind of want to punch Billie Joe Armstrong in his guylinered eye. Don't let him take all the '90s nostalgia-turned-Broadway-gold glory!
No. 3
It'd be a lot cooler than managing your own wrestling company.
Maybe not in all social circles, but you'd get a lot of props in my book, at least.
No. 2
Yes, there will be a fat lady singing...
No. 1
No one is excited for Oceania.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it's true.
What do you guys think? Should Billy Corgan write his own Broadway musical? Will he pay me $1 million for my genius Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness idea? Hit up our comments section below and let us know.
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