When I started working here at Ology I thought all my life problems were solved. Finally I had a job where I could actually put some of my college degree to work and all I had to do was nerd out over film. Yes, this job is the tits. It's one of the best jobs in the world, once you get used to commenters threatening you and your family. But sometimes you come across news that is so ridiculous and despicable it keeps you up at night wondering about it. Why did these things happen? I can't tell you. I can tell you that everything on this list was a big hit at some point in 2011 and we must honor it at the end of the year.
Ladies and Gents, welcome to Hollywood...
QUENTIN TARANTINO SUCKED ON SOME CHICK'S TOES AND THEN SHE GOT FIRED
Quentin Tarantino’s foot fetish isn’t anything new. Actually, of all the things on this list, Tarantino’s foot fetish story is probably the least shocking. But I might have to say this is the most entertaining story in dealing with drunken parties and celebrity hook ups. Beejoli Shah, a 20ish film nerd and somewhere-near-LA resident, wrote a lengthy email to her friends earlier this summer. This email described –– in great detail –– her hook-up up with film legend Quenten Tarantino. Guess what folks, he did some nasty stuff with her feet.
Beejoli’s email was quickly forwarded to more people and before you know it everyone on the internet knew what she meant when she compaired walking in wet sand to... something else. Beejoli was eventually fired from her job and took herself off Twitter and Tumblr but I commend her for sending out one of the funniest and juicest emails of the year. Read the full email here.
LARS VON TRIER IS A BIG OL' NAZI
I don’t know if you remember this little gem from Cannes this year, but Lars Von Trier understands and sympathizes with Hitler. While promoting his critically “meh’ed” Melancholia, Von Trier started talking about Nazis for some reason... and just didn’t stop. To attempt to alleviate the situation, he started making jokes about Israel and Danish director Susanne Bier. As Von Trier painfully dug his own grave, Kirsten Dunst sat next to him, horrified (her reaction is my favorite part of this whole event). After all this, Von Trier announced he would no longer be attending press junkets –– and most dramatically –– was banned from returning to Cannes
DRIVE SUED FOR BEING AN AWESOME MOVIE
I don’t know if you saw Drive, but it was the hottest movie of the summer, mostly because of Ryan “Hey Girl” Gosling. He didn’t have a name in that movie, nor did he need one, because he was too busy kicking mob ass and making out with Carey Mulligan in elevators. It was great. Apparently some chick named Sarah Deming didn’t think so, because she decided to sue the makers of Drive because she thought it was going to be more like The Fast and the Furious. Here’s how I think that interaction went down: “But your honor, I saw a car driving fast, HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THERE’D BE BLOOD?” Furthermore, Deming claims that the movie was particuarly aggressive against people of the Jewish faith. I don’t get that. Just ‘cause Albert Brooks and Lou Pearlman play the bad guys? In that case every movie is against smokers, rich white guys, and guys who wear eyepatches. How anyone could sue over “accidentally” seeing an awesome movie is beyond me.
Here's an animated tribute to Drive:
tribute to drive from tom haugomat & bruno mangyoku on Vimeo.
GHOSTBUSTERS 3 WILL PROBABLY BE THE WORST
True story: I got really drunk last Saturday (and every Saturday) at a karaoke bar and decided to sing Jackie Wilson's "Higher and Higher." Rather than sing, I decided to talk about Ghostbusters 2 (cause you remember that scene, right?) and how terrible Ghostbusters 3 will be. Why? Because Dan Akroyd wants the third movie to go on with or without Bill Murray. Have you lost your damn mind, Dan? Why would you ever pursue a Ghostbusters without the biggest star in the franchise? And it gets worse....
Akroyd says the script involves “new blood” to the Ghostbusters crew because all the other guys are (no sh*t) old. No doubt this plot idea will result in some airhead teen hearthrob. If Justin Bieber is cast in Ghostbusters 3 I will throw myself off this building. Bill Murray should stay away from this film if he knows what's good for him. He is still recovering from the disaster of Garfield.
BRETT RATNER’S DOUCHEBAGGING ACROSS AMERICA TOUR
Brett Ratner is kind of a dumbass. Sure, he makes movies like Tower Heist that are good for some people (I’m just a little more refined than you are. It happens. Peasants.) but he also says stuff like “Rehearsing is for f*gs” and “I banged [Olivia Munn] a few times, but I forgot her.” This was all during the time where he was supposed to convince us that Tower Heist and Eddie Murphy hosting the Oscars were great ideas. Well, they weren’t and quickly after Ratner realized he was being a jackass he issued a public apology and resigned from producing the Oscars.
SPOILER ALERTS INVADE THE INTERNET
This was the year of the spoiler alert, especially for two of the most anticipated films of next year, The Avengers and The Dark Knight Rises. Once word got out which the franchise would be filming in, everyone and their mother was out with a camera phone, sneaking peeks and giving geniuses like Joss Whedon and Christopher Nolan massive headaches.
Detesting spoiler alerts came to a head when everything DKR shot in Pittsburgh was leaked on the internet, including but not limited to: Bane’s voice, Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, various Tumblrs, stuff about Talia al Ghul and a massive fight scene set in the snow (Check here for more information on all of that). Hopefully all these spoilers are just the tip of the iceberg for these movies. Let’s all start a resolution to put away our camera phones in 2012.
JOHNNY DEPP IS A SELL OUT?/ COMPARES PHOTOS TO RAPE
While promoting his most recent afterbirth Pirates of the Caribbean, Johnny Depp told Vanity Fair that getting his picture taken at photo shoots made him feel like he was being raped. Of course he apologized for his comments (and everyone went back to not caring about him anymore), but Depp also finally admitted that he does his work for the money and not for the quality filmmaking. Actually he does it for his kids so they can have money. Because we’ve all been so worried about his kids. Guess what Johnny, I’m sure they’ll be just fine.
Any snafu that bothered you this year? Talk back below!
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