I'm forever fascinated by Anna Dello Russo's curious relationship with the English language, and if for some reason you haven't visited the Vogue Nippon editor's personal blog — where she carefully attempts to translate all content from Italian to English on her own — you need to. Now.

Every so often, Ms. Dello Russo takes a quick break from throwing golden fiberglass fruit on her head and yelling things like "FUPPA! FUPPA!" outside of runway shows to release a list of imperative fashion rules for your most pressing situational fashion needs. This time, she's on the Christmas Party beat, so just in case you're in a tizzy about how to navigate the holidays, couture connoisseur has you and your accessories protocol cover. 


1. Don’t wear RED or GREEN outfits.
You will look a like a  Christmas tree.
This is great advice because nobody should wear head-to-toe red or green pretty much ever. Also, ADR just made herself sound like a stereotypical Italian by saying "look a like a ..." but I'm willing to ignore it.

2. Forget any COATS
 (also if outside it’s only 5 degrees).
You should make a big impact
 just with your dress.
ADR is not human and therefore is unaffected by the cold. This may or may not apply to you.

3. Choose a GOLD:
 You will emphasize the idea
to be a Christmas GIFT to be unwrapped.
If you're trying to get it in on the night of your party (or after party, if you will), you should wear gold.

4. Go to the hairdresser, facial,
manicure and pedicure.
 Don’t be worry to be OVER-DONE!
More is more is more is more, people!

5. Choose between HAT and MAKEUP,
 if you wear a hat keep fresh face
 otherwise you will looks like a transvestite.
But not always more.

6. Wearing lots of JEWELLERY.
 the sound of JEWELLERY banish 
bad thoughts and bad ghosts.
The undead are sorely afraid of rich people.

7. Focus on the SHOES.
 Generally at Christmas party you spend
 a lot of time seated on the sofa.
It doens't matter how much your feet hurt because you wouldn't ever both do menial things like stand up or, god forbid, dance. Seriously though, what kind of Christmas parties is Anna Dello Russo going to?

8. Shoes have to carry all this
 magical atmosphere:
 Choose sparkling, shiny, eccentric, metallic,
 decorative, precious, brocade, extravagant,
color-full, magnificent, enchanting
… PAIR OF SHOES.
If you can find a pair of shoes that embodies all of these things for under $100, please let me know.

9. Don’t be worry about your BAG,
you immediately will forget it on some chairs.
I guess you shouldn't spend too much on any part of your outfit cause you're just going to get drunk and forget about it. Does ADR have a cell phone? Or a wallet? Or a house key? What does she put in her bag that it's okay for her to lose it all the time?

10. Don’t throw yourself on the buffet, 
don’t overdo with drinks, 
It’s not POLITE!
Put the chicken parm down, you fat ass!

Alright guys, good talk! Now what have you learned?

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