America's Next Top Model: All-Stars Recap: "
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Lisa and Bianca still hate each other and Alexandria's forehead is still huge and Shannon is still a Christian. And I'm still drunk. Big Gay Kayla tells Bianca she's a b*tch and Bianca tells Big Gay Kayla she has no personality.
Nigel Barker informs the girls that their challenge is to create a fragrance, like Britney Spears' "Curious" or Jennifer Aniston's "Back Of The Van Parked Outside Brad Pitt's House."
Angelea keeps it real by naming her signature fragrance "Angelea." That's my girl. Allison Harvard names hers "Honey Blood," because she wears porkpie hats and is functionally retarded. Nigel then informs them when they will be selling their fragrances to their fans... in a bathtub.
Lisa looks crazier up in every episode of this show. Tonight she appears to be wearing Malcolm McDowell's eyelashes in A Clockwork Orange. I predict that if Lisa does, in fact, become a celebrity as a result of this show, it'll be one of those Lil' Jon situations where all she does is scream YEAH, WHAT???, OKAY and her own name in the background of other people's music videos and make a million dollars. #RightPlaceRightTime
Eve, winner of Cycle 3, interviews the girls about their scents. She clearly hasn't gone very far.
"I'm selling fun!" screams Lisa in her bathtub, splashing passers-by.
Bianca opts not to get in the tub "because [she] never saw Beyonce do it. [She] never saw Tyra do it." I never saw Tyra give an albino trucker a dry handy to get from Phoenix to Tucson back in '82, but that didn't deter me! And that's how you were born, Reader.
Lisa wins and gets immunity.
This week's photoshoot involves portraying big-personality reality TV stars NeNe Leakes and Snooki from Jersey Shore on the back of a motorcycle.
"I didn't know who NeNe was," says Lisa, "But Bianca helped me with the characteristics of NeNe." Nice to see them getting along. Furthermore, who the f*ck IS NeNe?
"Black girls don't go on motorcycles," Lisa hollers, and proceeds to rock the shoot. Dominique and Allison also do well, as Snooki.
Bianca has the foresight to order pickles for the photo shoot. When the other girls ask to borrow one, she says no. Snap.
Shannon says she's "the opposite" of Snooki/the kids on Jersey Shore and doesn't seem to realize that since they're both trashy reality stars they're actually the .01% of the population that have this in common, and are very alike. #ChristiansDon'tThink
Kathy Griffin is the guest judge, and she's great. Leave it to Kathy Griffin to play this relatively straight. Big Gay Kayla utilizes the phrase "booty tooch" independently. Of course she does.
KATHY GRIFFIN
It's important to know your place.
Double Elimination! Bianca and Big Gay Kayla.
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