ESPN is reporting that a leading molecular geneticist has alleged that an unnamed club in the English Premier League has adopted DNA testing as a means of identifying injury prone players.
Professor Marios Kambouris, assistant professor at Yale University School of Medicine, apparently carried out the testing based on research compiled by a group of british scientists that catalogued over 100 genetic mutations linked to serious, soccer related injuries such as ruptured tendons.
In theory, the club could use the testing to determine which of their players is prone to injury, information that could potentially affect a player's value on the open market if it ever became public.
Uhhh....does this sound like Eugenics to anybody else?
Don't get me wrong, I am all for medical progress. It took me awhile, especially following the empty nest syndrome I experienced after I released my leeches to the wild, but I came to accept that some fools people just don't consider bloodletting to be a sound medical practice. I'm sure that Delmonico and Lil' Charlton Heston are much happier now in their natural leech habitat.
The benefits to a club are obvious, as being able to weed out potentially injury prone players before investing large amounts of capital in their development is an edge that any team president would love to have, but the benefits to individual players are not quite so clear.
Where would this testing leave a mega-talented yet oft-injured maestro of the MRI machine like Robin Van Persie? It stands to reason that he never would have had the chance to rub horse placenta all over his groin, most certainly ruining his weekend. A player like Van Persie, who may be genetically predisposed to injury, might have been discouraged from playing the game at a young age, their career over before it began. I ask you, where would that leave Arsenal and their malinged manager then? Piloting a mesh submarine through the marianas trench, that's where.
Mark my words, this is just the first step towards a horrifying future in which the Liverpool Supermen defeat the Bayern Ubermensch 345 to 297 in the 2075 final of the Eugenics Champions League. Leo Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo will look on and weep for glories long gone, lamenting that the need for the skill and tactical precision that made them such transcendent players was displaced by the need for an eight-legged goal keeper, or a forward with a cannon for a chest.
On second thought, let's get this pushed through ASAP.
Follow James Carty on Twitter: @JamesWCarty
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