Keeping Up With The Kardashians Recap: Season 6, Episode 14 "Kim's Fairytale Wedding, Part 1" (10/09/11)
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Check out my recap of Part 2!

Totally forgot I had to recap this, so I'm a few minutes late. Sorry, guys. But when I turn on the TV, Kris H and Khloe are already going at it.

"Honey I'm a dirty fighter." -Khloe

Khloe and Kourt are all freaked out that Kris isn't a good guy. Oh please. I see he is a little aggressive with his jokes, but it's very obvious he's trying to play around and fit in with the fam. In fact, it's a little endearing. This coming from someone who calls him "Frankenstein." OMG!!! Khloe later calls him "Frankenstein"!!!! She totes stole that from me. BIBLE.

"Bet you didn't know I wore retainers." -Kim

Crazy clean Kim starts freaking out over the dogs and toothpaste on the mirror. This is FREAKING hilarious. How is she going to live with Kris?

"I'm trying to pull out his eye boogers." -Kris
"That's just not sanitary having a dog on the kitchen counter." -Kim
"You don't cook." -Kris

LOVE THAT. Kim wants the dog in crates and claims she's going to a hotel. Hahahaha. Then she freaks out that Kris is running late to the registry. Uh oh.

"That just looks cheap." -Kris

Kris H hates Kris J's taste in plates. Oh, snap. Kim later comes home with dog crates and beds. Kris is not happy.

"I don't want them sitting on my comforter. I don't even sit on my comforter." -Kim

Meanwhile, Kris J heads to the doctor to have a neck lift. She's being dramatic about it as usual. Khloe is driving her to surgery and tells her this hilarious horrific story about some girl getting shot 27 times and surviving.

"What is wrong with you people?" - Kris J

Kris J starts crying before the surgery and she's making such a big deal about it. Her friends then show up and things are better. Wow, does the editor of this show make this fun to watch. Not. EW, they show us Kris J's chin! Nasty. Not needed. Stop. Turn. Off. TV.

Whens she gets out, she's so high and it's hilar. Kim is nice enough to stay with her. And I gotta say, this is why I like Kim sometimes. I usually can't stand her, but maybe it's because I'm a bit of a control freak like her. Who knows? Either way, it was nice of her to stay with her mom.

Later, Kris H calls and Khloe picks up and starts playing games with him. 

"Who is this?" -Khloe
"Your brother." -Kris
"Scott? Rob?"- Khloe

As much as I ADORE Khloe, she's being too over-the-top. She asks Kris how many STD's he has, etc. It's funny, but I can see why Kris is getting annoyed.

"I'm not answering those questions. That's disgusting." -Kris

I love that Scott sticks up for him. All the guys go golfing and Kris shows up late again. He had to pick up a polo. Scott tries to give him some advice, but he's not having it.

"I had to surgically remove my penis." -Scott

Kris doesn't want to change.

"I can't be in this family if I can't be me." -Kris

Well said. Meanwhile, it's time for the engagement party at Khloe's house. More tension between Khloe and Kris, obvs.

PS. MASON IS SO FREAKING CUTE.

PPS. It's crazy that Kris is 26 years old! That's a year older than me. A YEAR.

Kris walks in to find Khloe talking shit.

"How dare you question someone else's marriage." -Kris

I have to side with Kris on this one too. Cut to Khloe calling Kris "Hump" and wondering why he hasn't told Kim about their argument. They head to Kris' so see their mom's new neck.

"Your hair is shorter than a vagina's bush and you take so long!" -Khloe

Best line ever? Kim announces that she's going to have Vera Wang design her dress. When she tries on dresses, they all look better than the one she actually picks out. Later, Khloe goes over to Kris J's to talk about whether Kim signed a prenup yet. Apparently, it hasn't been signed. Oops.

"That's Lammy. Got to meet Lamar." -Khloe

Kim and Kris go check out flowers and she thanks Kim for being there for her. They meet with the wedding planners and Kris is involved via Skype. He doesn't like the "sparkly" idea. He throws out a casino theme! Ahhahaha. Poor kid.

"Do you know who your marrying?" -Kim

Kim calls Khloe and she thinks it's because of their fight with Kris. But it's not. She actually tells her about not being there for their mom, so they decide to do something nice for Kris J.

Meanwhile, Kris H meets with the wedding planner on his own and Kris J shows up to discuss food. He wants Five Guys burgers and Kris J freaks out. Then he wants his dogs in the wedding.

"No. No. No" -Kris J

The kids make their mom a scrapbook and cook dinner. Cute. Obvs, Kris starts crying.

PS. MASON IS SO FREAKING CUTE. (Can't get over it. Sorry.)

Rob starts talking about how he can't stop eating.

"I think he's a porky pig." -Lamar

Khloe and Lamar go through his room and find all this food under his bed. Coffee cakes and sh*t.

"Lamar, give me the fruit rolloup!" -Khloe

Reminds me of Lauren Caruso. Anyway, some dudes come by Kim's house to show her the cars that will drive them to the wedding. And Kris J admits she totally forgot to book cars for Kris' family, which is f*cked up!

"So your family will all be in Rolls Royce's." -Kris H

Kris J apologizes. Later, they head to the cake tasting. Unlike Lamar, Kris doesn't eat sweets and he's totally being a brat refusing to even try the samples. Then everyone starts picking on Rob about his weight.

"He's got that Kardashian tush." -Kris H

Khloe buys a detector so they'll know when Rob is going in the junk food cabinet! An alarm goes off, which seems a little mean, but I can't help but laugh.

"He's going to be embarrassed." -Lamar
"Who cares?" -Khloe

The alarm goes off not too long later in the middle of the night and they run down the stairs. He blames it on Khloe and Lamar for having so much junk food, but it's him. He's the one who can't control himself.

Kim and Kris go to check out scents for their wedding candles and she finds out that they got their wedding location booked. Kris is upset he didn't even see it.

"This is unbelievable. It is so disrespectful to me." -Kris

OK. Kris and the guys go to their tux fitting and he's also pissed when Kim shows up with her stylist.

Later, Scott and Rob go to get tacos and he gets like a sh*tload of food. Gross.

"Eating tacos is, like, so awesome." -Rob

Yeah, that's a direct quote. He heads over to Kourt's (since she eats healthy) and they take wheatgrass shots. But, she finds the taco bags and freaks out on him.

Kim and Kris J go over wedding music and Kris freaks out when he hears something about Christina Aguilera. Can't blame him.

"Babe, I've been planning this wedding since I was 10 years old." -Kim
"Yeah and you can just slot any guy into it." -Kris

Ouch. Kim feels bad for leaving him out so she takes him to the location and tells him she will rip up the check if he doesn't love it. Luckily, he really likes it.

Rob finally comes back to Khloe's house and admits he has an eating problem.

Kris finally lets Kim know that Khloe was talking sh*t and she's obvs pissed. As much as I love Khloe, she got married to Lamar in 9 days. They knew each other for less than a month. She really can't be talking.

WTF, there are 4 minutes left and they didn't even show the wedding yet? This is bullsh*t.

Kim confronts Khloe and she tells her that everyone is talking sh*t about Kris. DRAMA!

Oh sh*t! I totes forgot this was a two-night thing. F*ck. See you peeps tomorrow.

SumOlogy: So long. So over-the-top. But... still can't stop watching.

Grade: 8/10

Keeping Up with the Kardashians airs Sundays at 10 p.m. on on E!

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