More Netflix Instant Drive-In reviews.
Hellgate; 1990, 91 min.; dir. William A. Levey; available on Netflix until 2/1/2013
It's a precious thing when someone like myself can come across something like Hellgate. Why is that? Well, basically, Hellgate is f*cking awesome. Doubly exciting because before I founded it via my favorite Netflix search engine, InstantWatcher, I had never heard of it. I'm not deluded enough to not be a skeptic with these things, and so I had half expected a disappointment. And maybe it was the hard cider (Pumpkin, natch), but I loved this movie.
We open on a group of 30-something-looking college students in a cabin in the woods, taking turns telling each other scary stories. The story gets dropped on us via a couple cut-scenes in the 50s. Cue greasers, a highly-stylized-but-still-classic-looking diner, and a barrage of golden oldie tunes mixed with some 80s Kenny-Loggins-type-synth score for the action scenes. When the bikers hit the diner, they start some trouble, and take young Josie out to torture and kill her. A fight breaks out and dad kills the bikers, but Josie doesn't quite make it out alive. Some time later, in a mine, an old-timer friend of dad finds this blue-glowing crystal that can do things like return a rubber bat to life, turn a goldfish into an spontaneously-combusting monster, and a mounted sea turtle into a cheek-biter. Meanwhile, the fourth pal of the college crew is lost on his way to the cabin and comes across seductive ghost-Josie. After driving through an uber-creepy ghost town, taking Josie home, being chased off by her father, and finally making it to his friends, the crew decide to return to Hellgate to save the girl--or have an adventure, or something. Carnage ensues.
The plot doesn't make a ton of sense: why would you go back to the house to save a girl who you're pretty sure is in fact some legendary dead girl? But then again, what horror movie premise doesn't require that same logical leap of faith? Besides, this movie is crammed with awesome stuff. A hatchet gets planted into someone's skull in the first ten minutes, an exploding monster fish, a pre-steam-punk psychopathic father who controls the dead with a crystal, a guy on fire, explosions, and probably some of the creepiest scene-setting shots I've ever witnessed in film as the kids walk through Hellgate.
I'm sure some would argue it's unbalanced, but this film traverses the huge gap between darkly creepy, to cornballishly humorous in single breaths. It's funny if you're into bad jokes, bad acting, and awkward comic timing. And I'll be damned if it doesn't feel just the slightest bit Lynchian at times.
8.0/5. Seriously, Hellgate rules.
Dreamaniac; 1986, 82 min.; dir. David DeCoteau; available on Netflix until 3/1/2013
I'm going to be candid here: Dreamaniac is bad. It's not so much “so good it's bad,” but rather, “it's so bad it's good.” Director David DeCoteau is a prolific schlock maker. And this is schlock. The basic premise is Faustian; a heavy-metal songwriter makes a deal with a succubus in order to write better lyrics. Meanwhile, his girlfriend is hosting a party for her sister's sorority friends at their new house in the middle of nowhere. And so Dreamaniac is just like a perfect storm of satanism and sorority parties. There's also a hyper weird ending that I'm still not really sure I understand.
What to expect? A real five-person sorority party--okay, maybe like ten-people. But seriously, they couldn't bring in at least 10-20 more extras? Other stuff: a succubus who gives bloody blowjobs, bloody shower dreams, severed heads, weed brownies, a lot of bad music, and some archetypal (and painfully bad/hilarious) dialogue. For example, upon finding out there is no phone at the house for her to “like, call my broker,” one of the sorority girls goes on to say, “Like, mondo-bad planning, Jodi.” I'm not sure if the actors were directed to act badly, or if it was because they had just been hired because they were free. There's also an awesome puke scene--I won't ruin the surprise on why it rules. There's also a ton of mondo-bizarre, and thoroughly disgusting open-mouth tonging. Yep. Finally, watch out for one of the sweetest decapitations on celluloid.
“I don't know much about heavy-metal. I mean, I like Lionel Richie.” So this thing gets a 2/5. It's fun but forgettable. Watch Hellgate first while getting smashed, then crank on Dreamaniac and perk your peepers for the bloodbath scenes.
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More Netflix Instant Drive-In reviews.
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