Fighter Jets Scrambled, Planes Escorted For… No Reason At All

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Fighter Jets Scrambled, Planes Escorted For… No Reason At All

On Sep 12, 2011

On a flight from Denver, Colorado to Detroit, Michigan on a particularly touchy 9/11 anniversary, passengers felt as though they were about to relive those horrible events of ten years past.

The Frontier Airlines flight crew alerted the ground to two passengers that were spending "an extraordinarily long time" in the bathroom. Alerted to the plot on the ground, fighter jets were scrambled to escort the plane to the ground “out of an abundance of caution.”

Well, it turns out, nothing happened at all. Initial reports suggested that a man and woman were “making out” in the bathroom… that is, joining the “mile high club.” Later reports suggested that while there was “making out,” there was no woman involved and that it was two men engaged in the lip-locking that scrambled the F-16s.

Both reports were spurious. The only thing that forced our air-defense network into action was simply one man with a nervous stomach who was taking an “extraordinarily long time” pooping.

I hope he’s happy. He scared the bejeezus out of his fellow passengers and a number of readers on the ground who read the AP wire alert.

Fighter jets were also scrambled yesterday to escort an American Airlines flight from Los Angeles to New York after a similar call for assistance was made when passengers were engaging in similar, suspicious bathroom trips.

We all know more than 10 oz. of fluid aren’t allowed on planes these days, but when we get to a place where even the fluid in our bowels is off limits, the terrorists have definitely won.

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