Have you washed the slight taste of vomit out of your mouth
yet? Everyone knew the 2011 NBA Draft would be bad, but… ouch. If you could
pronounce most of the names in the lottery, you could consider yourself a
winner, which indicates the level of uncertainty associated with this draft. Of course, every NBA fan watched intently, because the thrill of
potential talent is a feeling that comes along once a year in sports, and fans
buy in. That’s what fans do: We buy in.
SportsOlogy, on the other hand, passes judgment on anyone and
anything that crosses our path, so what better way to analyze this year’s draft
than by deciding on a few of the biggest winners and losers? Let’s begin with
the winners, because everyone prefers to hear good news first, right? Right?
Cool.
WINNERS
Charlotte Bobcats. Kemba "The Human Bungee Cord" Walker has a new home! Unfortunately for him, he'll be playing in front of approximately three dozen fans every night. We also love Bismack Biyombo, who has perhaps the best name in the draft.
Denver Nuggets. It blows our substantially large mind that Kenneth Faried, who's only the most successful rebounder in college history, fell to number 22. Maybe he doesn't make too much sense with Nene, but come on, number 22? That's a great value. It doesn't even matter that this was their only pick, because they also got Jordan Hamilton. Jordan Hamilton is good, but the fact that he played for Rick Barnes in college makes it difficult to realize this.
Sacramento Kings. We know; it's difficult to imagine the Kings winning anything. But they got Jimmer! Won't he fit in well with DeMarcus Cousins? Who knows if he'll be good, but the Kings should be interesting. We also think Tyler Honeycutt may have been a steal.
Dallas Mavericks. They can do no wrong, as Mark Cuban continues to walk around the city with both middle fingers raised. Who is Targuy Ngombo? Does it matter? No, because they traded him immediately!
LOSERS
Washington Wizards. They draft so poorly that it's comical. When--WHEN?!--will their entire front office be fired? Set aside for a moment our belief that the sixth pick was a terrible pick to have. Trade it! Throw in JaVale McGee, Andray Blatche, Nick Young, anyone! Those guys aren't that good! Ugh. Jan Vesely is just a blah pick who may be good, but the Wizards decided to pay him millions to find out. We don't even want to talk about Chris Singleton when Kenneth Faried was available. In the second round, however, we like the Shelvin Mack pick. Someone has to back up John Wall. For comedy's sake, here's a list of Wizards draft picks since 2001, excluding last year's no-brainer pick of John Wall:
2010: Lazar Hayward (traded to Minnesota), Nemanja Bjelica (traded to Minnesota)
2009: Jermaine Taylor (traded to Houston)
2008: JaVale McGee, Bill Walker (traded to Boston)
2007: Nick Young, Dominic McGuire
2006: Oleksiy Pecherov, Vladimir Veremeenko
2005: Andray Blatche
2004: Devin Harris (traded to Dallas), Peter John Ramos
2003: Jarvis Hayes, Steve Blake
2002: Jared Jeffries, Juan Dixon, Rod Grizzard, Juan Carlos Navarro
2001: Kwame Brown (murdered by Michael Jordan)
What did Washington receive for all those trades? A pile of sh*t, that's what.
Utah Jazz. Alec Burks could be a good pick at 12, but a big, slow center who has played one good game isn't the best choice at number 3. Enes Kanter, welcome to Utah.
Indiana Pacers. They wanted a white dude, but they had to settle for Kawhi Leonard, who had taken a tremendous tumble. Fortunately, they traded him as soon as they could for George Hill, who is a local legend. That's Indiana's strategy: Draft white guys or local guys. It's bound to be good enough for an 8-seed in the East.
Phoenix Suns. Everyone's already said it, but they picked the evil twin again in Markieff Morris. Is it possible they were simply confused?
WINNER/LOSER
Cleveland Cavaliers. They took top prize with Kyrie Irving, but Tristan Thompson was a bit of a reach. On the other hand, he played for Rick Barnes in college, so he may possess more talent than we think.
There you have it, the winners and losers from the 2011 NBA Draft. Who are we missing? Let us know!
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