You guys ever see that one person in the park who's like, Lord of the Pigeons? The little birds just flock around him, forming a protective pigeon-shield around his body and sharing in his hoard of crumbs and morsels?
Yeah. That guy simultaneously impresses me and creeps me out. I credit Hey Arnold! for the former and blame The Birds for the latter.
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It turns out that I have plenty of reason to be paranoid about our avian friends--though I should be worrying not about pigeons, but about crows. Crows, apparently, are smarmy bastards. Over in Everett, Washington, they're absolutely losing their minds all over the local police department. The parking lot outside the Everett PD's north precinct has become a battleground, with local crows dive-bombing officers on their way to their cruisers. Everett's Lt. Bob Johns reports that the crows are acting like "velociraptors," swooping down on unsuspecting cops and "zinging" them. What does it mean for a crow to "zing" someone? We hope it means that crows are descending on the cops and insulting their moms or uniforms or something. Have you ever been dissed by a bird? Not a fun experience. Look what it did to Edgar Allan Poe.
The worst part of this whole situation is that the cops who've dared to fight back against the crow onslaught have been the victims of severe retaliation--crows are smart enough to recognize facial features and can hold grudges against those who appear threatening. That's how they managed to figure out which cop was trying to drive them away with sirens. What did they do to this resistance fighter? They... crapped all over his car. Classy.
Everett's decided to just let the birds vent their rage unhindered--after all, they're just protecting their newborn kids, some of whom have already left the nest by now. Still, you can never be too careful. Stay away from green pigs and rickety structures for the next couple weeks, especially if you live in or near Everett, WA.
Follow Josh Harrison on Twitter: @geekologized.
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