The Eastern Conference Finals begin tonight at 8:00 because tomorrow Oprah is coating the United Center in platinum and inviting 20,000 of her closest friends to watch her talk about some random sh*t for the last time ever. The Heat and Bulls don't mind, though, because their focus is on the court. Except for Chris Bosh, that is, whose focus is on all those scary Chicago fans.
Would You Rather: LA Lakers
Bulls take down Hawks
Last Team All-NBA
This is the matchup conventional wisdom said would take place, but don't you dare hope for any sort of cohesive offense in this series. Or during any Eastern Conference game, for that matter. SportsOlogy spent all morning thinking of predictions for this series, but we threw them away and decided to write from the heart. With no further ado, we give you your Sunday dose of incontontrovertible truth, NBA Playoffs-style!
- We will see a 71-68 final score for one of these games. Even Bo Ryan will be disgusted by the offense.
- Chris Bosh will cower in the locker room after a loss, silently weeping as Juwan Howard hands him a tissue.
- Oprah will call the final play during a game, because she's more offensively competent than Tom Thibodeau.
- Doesn't Luol Deng kind of look like a cancer patient too?
- Yannick Noah's daughter will pound her chest emphatically after scoring on a put-back.
- LeBron James, upon winning the series, will hold a press conference in which he simply flips two middle fingers and says, "F*ck you, Cleveland."
- Who is Taj Gibson?
The Miami Heat will beat the Chicago Bulls, 4-2, and Cleveland will light its river on fire in disgust.
More NBA | Heat | Bulls
Follow Anthony Schneck on Twitter: @AnthonyOlogy
Comments (0)
Be the first to comment!