True love waits.
I didn’t compose this Portal 2 review three hours after the game released. I didn’t scribble it frantically upon finishing the game, eager to rush my thoughts to publication. Nah, I kicked this around in the old cranium for near on three weeks, now. That’s in part because I want this review to be everything Portal 2 deserves, and in part because—yes, I’ll admit it—I’m having a tough time getting started. And I think I know why. Finishing this bad boy means my first playthrough is officially, publicly over. I can’t bear to let go.
I’m probably not going to be the first person to tell you that Portal 2 is an incredible, worthy, memorable follow-up to one of the most celebrated games of our generation. Every moment of gameplay bears the distinctive sheen of meticulous, loving design; every plot twist, clever quip, and moment of spectacle pops and sings with characteristic charm. Valve’s digital wizardry has, for the moment, found its most crystalline and most accessible implementation—it’s hard to deny that this is the people’s Portal, whatever you feel that should mean. If you have any enduring affection for the original, consider this your mandate from on high: Pick up the sequel. Immediately.
Why? Well, think of it this way. The original Portal was essentially icing on the Orange Box cake. OK, I know a few of you are bolting for the door, now that I’ve mentioned a certain baked good in my Portal 2 review. Keep your shock-absorbing boots on, people! I’m not gonna try for any cheap culinary shenanigans. I’m just taking the metaphor for a walk. So, right. Icing. You’d figure that given the success of the first Portal, an inferior game developer might have just whipped up a cake made entirely of icing for the second go-round. Valve’s above such saccharine heresy. Portal 2 is more of a ground-up redesign than a second helping.
Don’t get me wrong—the essential Portal gameplay is intact. You’ll still be thinking your way through devious test chambers and the secret underbelly of the Aperture Science facility. You’ve still got the Portal gun in hand, and it still works the same way. And of course, you’re still Chell, and this is still your story. But the entire feel of the game has shifted, in these few years, from humble tech demo to triple-A main course. And that new feel… feels good, man.
Portal 2 rejoins our heroine at the Aperture Science facility a long, long time after the events of the first game. (Valve’s means of conveying this information is the first of innumerable strokes of genius: “You have been in suspension,” an automated voice announces, “for nine-nine-nine-nine-nine days.”) While Chell’s been asleep, the facility has crumbled around her; she wakes to discover the structure on the verge of collapse. Thankfully, she’s plucked from harm’s way by Wheatley, a helpful personality core voiced by the incomparable Stephen Merchant. Wheatley, with Chell following close behind, bumbles his way out to an open area of the facility—GLaDOS territory. A few mishaps later, and the homicidal A.I. is back online and ready to resume right where she left off. GLaDOS’ reawakening is one of the most chilling moments in modern gaming, probably worth the price of admission all on its own. Ellen McLain’s chilling performance as GLaDOS is among the finest in the medium’s history. The few lines you’ll hear even in this early section will change everything you thought you knew about the Portal universe. And we’re still just under a half hour into the game.
I would tell you more about the story of Portal 2, but if you haven’t finished it yet, doing so would be the most severe geek-to-geek crime imaginable. Rest assured, however, that you will explore never-before-seen areas of the Aperture labs, hear from Aperture founder and CEO Cave Johnson (voiced with pitch-perfect bravado by J.K. Simmons), and perform at least one feat of Portal-fu so amazing, it’s worth an achievement of its very own. Incredible stuff.
I won’t elaborate on the in-game narrative, but I will tell you, by way of conclusion, the story that surrounds my first playthrough of Portal 2. Before the game was released, I bought Audiosurf and played a bunch with the roomies to speed up the release. Once the game finally hit (virtual) shelves, I stayed up way too late on at least three nights to make progress. I finished the game last week after a wee-hours session and didn’t talk to anyone for a little while. Things just felt… right. If you’ll let me be a little literary: There is a special providence in the falling of a Portal. Then, maybe an hour later, I turned to my roommate, long after I should have gone to bed, to ask his opinion about the final events. Is there room for a sequel? Maybe. Is everything as it seems? Doubtful. We couldn’t settle on any definitive answers, which, I think, is to Valve’s credit. I’m still mulling it all over even now, trying to decide whether I want another Portal, whether I like this game’s ending song better than “Still Alive,” whether we’re supposed to assume that this series somehow syncs up with Half-Life. In part, that’s why it’s taken me so long to get these thoughts to your eyeballs. But now that I’m here, all I feel I really need to say is this: Portal 2 is an experience you can’t help but question—the very definition of achingly beautiful.
SumOlogy: At every possible moment, the masterpiece you’ve deserved since 2007.
Join today! Ology is where thousands of people share their interests and passions with each other.
This Makes Me Happy... Post anything that makes you happy. Go!
Taylor Swift For those of us who can't get enough Swifty.
Ology Hip-Hop "I embrace y'all with napalm..."
MLB All things baseball during the summer dog days
(2)
Comments
Don't worry, we'll never be evil with your information
-or-