Retired at 35, TV Land, Wednesdays at 10:30 p.m. EST
Forget the birds and fish and cows mysteriously dying around the country... the first sign of the apocalypse is this. The word "whore" has been uttered on TV Land. Twice. Along with sex advice from septuagenarians. Usually this is comedy gold--see The Golden Girls and basically any Betty White role--but watching this show's three main characters, a 35-year-old New York workaholic and his relaxed, retired parents, edge their way around awkward dialogue is just pitiful.
The awkward sexual humor is enough to turn me off to TV Land's new scripted comedy, but there are also loads of technological jokes that make Retired at 35 supremely uncool. The pilot relies heavily on the divide between the generations, and parents not understanding why their Millennial offspring puts so much of himself into his job (which is making chopsticks--funny opportunity missed). But aside from blaming the recession, we also don't understand David's (Johnathan McClain) emotional arc--no idea why he is so dedicated to his job, then suddenly can drop it so easily.
The "moving home" trope has been done, and made dorky rather than uncool, by Ed in 2000. As David's father Alan, George Segal elicits a few laughs, but his material--old man on the prowl after his wife leaves him--is limited. Jessica Walter will never attain the greatness of her Arrested Development days, but not for lack of trying; there just isn't a character to match Lucille Bluth.
The supporting characters seem inserted simply to act as foils to David: His high school buddy Brandon (Josh McDermitt) and crush Jessica (Ryan Michelle Bathe). Yet they don't seem all that close; Brandon gets his rocks off by mocking David's geeky younger self, and David's burgeoning relationship with Jessica is based on the lie of omission that he slept with her mother. Maybe, if the writers make jokes about regressing, or about how these three people who went to high school all ended up in the land of retirement, we could get somewhere.
Sum...ology: As uncool and grating as the parents you're embarrassed to be seen with.
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