Even if you aren't aware of The Expendables, you can probably already sense its manliness deep in the biceps of your soul. You can feel its sheer testosteronicity, approaching the American cinema like a cresting wave. It can scarcely be called a movie anymore. It is a phenomenon, a veritable hurricane of courage and hot blood.
And now, it is also a Facebook game.
Clearly, the folks running The Expendables' Facebook unit (hoo-rah!) know their gaming history. They've chosen perhaps the most manly 8-bit game in existence--Contra--as the model for their viral tie-in. The Expendables' video game incarnation is a side-scrolling run-and-gun shooter with a dash of platforming action and just a touch more complexity. Unlike the original Contra, which stars two aeshtetically different but otherwise identical dudes, The Expendables lets you choose among three distinct characters. Jet Li is the "easy mode" option, able to jump approximately twelve miles and fire much more quickly than his non-Jet Li counterparts. Knife-throwing Jason Statham is the middle-of-the-road character with pretty standard movement and combat capabilities. Sylvester Stallone plays, appropriately enough, like he's eighty years old, plodding around the levels while firing single shots from his oversized rifle. The dude needs a power-up to make his machine gun into an actual machine gun. I can't decide whether that's pathetic or completely badass.
Though it isn't as tough as the original Contra, The Expendables' Facebook game is a neat way to spend a spare ten minutes. If nothing else, it's amusing to run around the levels with Stallone, grunting incoherently all the way. It may earn you some weird looks from your coworkers, but that shouldn't bother you. They just aren't man enough to understand.
Check out the game here.
Note: Lee Christmas is, in fact, played by Jason Statham, not by Bruce Willis. This correction brought to you by Mike Arndt; let none doubt his manliness.
[Expendables gets retro-inspired Facebook game]
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