I'm guessing when you're a household name like Justin Bieber, frivolous lawsuits are just part of the job description, but this one is simply too hilarious not to mention…
According to TMZ, an unnamed man from Michigan has filed a lawsuit against Bieber accusing him of, amongst other things… get ready for this… stealing his credit card to pay for penis enlargement surgery. Uh huh. The lawsuit—which I'm assuming was written on the walls of his padded cell in his own feces—also claims that Bieber used the stolen credit card to purchase cocaine, that Bieber and girlfriend Selena Gomez were both fathered by the plaintiff and, in what must surely be related though I'm having trouble spotting the connection, that Usher stuck a lit firework up the Michigander's ass while playing (you guessed it) Katy Perry's "Firework."
"Bieber has cost me $426.78 and never paid me back," the suit alleges. "This money was used as abortion money because Justin Bieber got my daughter Selena pregnant in my bedroom, on my Canadian bear rug."
One large firework? $10. One replacement Canadian bear rug? $426.78. Feeling suddenly better about your own life by reading the hilarious ramblings of a raving maniac? Priceless. Feel free to enjoy more of the highlights right here. You're welcome.
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[TMZ.com]
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