Buzz List: Ranking The Top 100 Fall TV Shows

You would think that with all the screentime that HBO's Girls creator and lead actress Lena Dunham has intentionally devoted to her bare, drooping breasts and ways of portraying sex as awkwardly as possible, the girl might be totally down for Hustler's re-imagining of the critically acclaimed series. Sadly (or fortunately, depending on your point of view), neither Dunham nor her castmates will be a part of the remake. Instead, a gang of porn stars will toss on unflattering neon clothes and pretend that they are the only inhabitants of New York City, which should leave them free to have sex on any subway car they wish. This Ain't Girls XXX still follows four girls (led py porn star Alex Chance as Hannah) and Adam (played by Richie Calhoun) as they try to figure out the intricacies of adult life, which apparently include lots of rough sex and some mild BDSM. The flick w...

Terron R. Moore

09/04/2012

Supernatural

Dexter

How I Met Your Mother

If you aren't wet-your-pants excited for fall television—or if you don't at least get a glee-inducing case of the tingles every time the thought of a DVR filled to the brim crosses your mind—you're in some serious need of guidance: True Blood and Mad Men and Girls were the talk of the summer, but Fall TV is the big stage of awe and intrigue and drama and really sexy people who truly shine in all of their sexy glory. Here, our Ology TV editors ranked one hundred 2012 shows from all the major broadcast networks as well as our top cable picks based on pure excitement: the shows we're most eager to see and see again in the coming months. Our number one pick for the best fall show might be obvious, but there's plenty more where that came from, including some thoughts on new series we've already seen (and highlighted in orange, just because we like you). Clear your schedules and dive in.

1. Homeland (Showtime | Sunday, September 30)
The bottom line is this: while we're not the folks to give in easily to phrases like "award-winning" and "critically-acclaimed" too easily, if you're not watching Homeland, you shouldn't even own a television. Claire Danes dominates a whirlwind political thriller as a CIA officer slowly losing her mind as she falls in love with the country's most dangerous man, and as a viewer, Season 1 made us go insane with twist after twist after twist. Based on the intel we've already gotten on Season 2 (there will be blood!), we've got high hopes for the new year.
2. New Girl (FOX | Tuesday, September 25)
Can you say Schmidt? The single best comedy on television won us over last year with a freshman season that consistently improved by the episode. Spending an entire summer without the adorkable-ness of Zooey Deschanel and our favorite out-of-college roommates has been torture, but seeing as New Girl is literally the best thing about FOX right now (and yes, we're including The X Factor and Glee), it'll be well worth the wait.
3. Modern Family (ABC | Wednesday, September 26)
With all of last year's massively successful dramas giving us revelation after revelation, it's about time that one of our favorite sitcoms will be, um, "delivering" one of their own come this ABC hit's fourth season. Phil Dunphy for president!
4. American Horror Story (FX | Wednesday, October 17)
If you're still mad that Ryan Murphy has sucked all the good from Glee, don't worry: he's put it all into TV's creepiest drama, and there's no need to catch up on Season 1 when the new year brings new characters, new cast members (Adam Levine!), and a brand new setting: the ins and outs of an insane asylum. Bring on the crazy!
5. Parks and Recreation (NBC | Thursday, September 20)
All of last year's buzz around Community and The Office flailing may have disguised the fact that Parks and Recreation is the Peacock's most consistent comedy, but amongst a solid cast of Nick Offerman and Aziz Ansari, it's solid proof that Amy Poehler is one of TV's funniest women.
6. Dexter (Showtime | Sunday, September 30)
Surprised it's not the number one slot? Even on a thriller where a mad serial killer's biggest secret was just revealed to his own sister in the single biggest cliffhanger of 2011, Fall TV is just that good. Still, Dexter continuously re-defines "jaw-dropping TV", and there's no doubt it'll do it again.
7. The Walking Dead (AMC | Sunday, October 14)
Does the phrase "one of the top-rated shows in cable history" mean anything to you? It's hard to make a comic book translate to the screen, but AMC has really made a monster. With series favorites The Governor and Michonne making their debuts in the upcoming third season, we can't wait to see who's slain next.
8. The Vampire Diaries (The CW | Thursday, October 11)
At the start of Season 3, we were positive that there was no way TVD could beat a breakneck sophomore year, but it trumped that by—among 80,000 other insane feats—turning Elena Gilbert into a vampire. This year, all bets are off.
9. The Office (NBC | Thursday, September 20)
It's no secret that The Office took a stumble without Steve Carell, which may be the reason why the upcoming season will be the show's last. But there's still plenty of comedy gold in Rainn Wilson and John Krasinski!
10. 30 Rock (NBC | Thursday, October 4)
Speaking of final seasons, this Office companion is also up for a final year after seven years of critically-loved hilarity from Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey.
11. Community (NBC | Friday, October 19)
Of course we're angry about the move to Fridays, but our DVRs can do their job while we're out.
12. Revenge (ABC | Sunday, September 30)
Emily Van Camp. Joshua Bowman. Nick Weschler. Secrets and lies. WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED?!
13. Glee (FOX | Thursday, September 13)
We still long for the Glee of yesteryear, but damn those fancy musical numbers!
14. Sons of Anarchy (FX | Tuesday, September 11)
Joel McHale guest-starring as a dirty biker boy has us intrigued.
15. How I Met Your Mother (CBS | Monday, September 24)
If we could finally meet our mother this year, that'd be great, thanks.
16. Family Guy (FOX | Sunday, September 30)
Maybe our love for Ted has revamped our faith in Seth MacFarlane. Give us new Stewie!
17. Grey's Anatomy (ABC | Thursday, September 27)
The aftermath of that plane crash has had us biting our nails for four months now!
18. Nashville (ABC | Wednesday, October 10)
We've screened all the new stuff, and as our highest-ranking new show, Nashville might be the most addictive new soap on TV. Connie Britton is a fantastic lead country star and Hayden Panettiere is surprisingly layered as her Taylor Swift-esque nemesis. If it plays its cards right, it could even be a step above last year's ABC hit Revenge.
19. Boardwalk Empire (HBO | Sunday, September 16)
Now that Nucky's all gangster, the real games should begin.
20. South Park (Comedy Central | Wednesday, September 26)
We never have any idea what to expect from Cartman and co., but we like it that way.
21. Gossip Girl (The CW | Monday, October 8)
Final season! Team Chuck and Blair stand up!
22. Parenthood (NBC | Tuesday, September 11)
Are The Bravermans the single best family on television? We think so.
23. Suburgatory (ABC | Wednesday ,October 17)
Everyone goes gaga over Modern Family, but here lies the Alphabet's sleeper hit comedy.
24. Supernatural (The CW | Wednesday, October 3)
Sam and Dean move to Wednesdays! Zombies rejoice!
25. Don't Trust The Bitch In Apartment 23 (ABC | Tuesday, October 23)
What can we say? We love James Van Der Beek. And we love bitches.
26. Saturday Night Live (NBC | Saturday, September 15)
No Kristin Wiig or Andy Samberg or Abby Elliott. But they got Seth MacFarlane and Frank Ocean!
27. 2 Broke Girls (CBS | Monday, September 24)
Kat Dennings and Beth Behrs are poor in the pockets, but rich in the funny.
28. Go On (NBC | Tuesday, September 11)
We didn't want to like Matthew Perry's return to television without all his Friends, but we couldn't help but give up a laugh or two during the first episode.
29. Arrow (The CW | Wednesday, October 10)
Stephen Amell will be The CW's hottest new stud in a new superhero series that might not have that Smallville flash but is refreshingly humanizing.
30. The Big Bang Theory (CBS | Thursday, September 27)
Laugh at the dorks all you want, but Jim Parsons is freaking rich.
31. Happy Endings (ABC | Tuesday, October 23)
32. The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons (MTV | Wednesday, September 19) Wes is back. Which should be enough said, but with the newest firecrackers from San Diego and St. Thomas thrown into the fray, we could be in for the wildest challenge yet.
33. Degrassi (TeenNick | Friday, October 12)
34. Law & Order: SVU (NBC | Wednesday, September 26)
35. Once Upon a Time (ABC | Sunday, September 30)
36. The Mindy Project (FOX | Tuesday, September 25) The best thing about The Office—the side-splitting Mindy Kaling—heads to FOX to head a hilarious journey of her own, and we can't think of a better Tuesday night companion to New Girl.
37. The Good Wife (CBS | Sunday, September 30)
38. Up All Night ( NBC | Thursday, September 20)
39. Partners (CBS | Monday, September 24)
40. Burn Notice (USA | Thursday, November 8)
41. Hart of Dixie (The CW | Tuesday, October 2)
42. Fringe (FOX | Friday, September 28) Remember Pacey from Dawson's Creek? Yeah? Well, he's been a dimension-traveling badass for four seasons now, and if you're not ready for the show's epic fifth and final season, you should really get to catching up.
43. Survivor (CBS | Thursday, September 19)
44. Bones (FOX | Tuesday, September 17)
45. Castle (ABC | Monday, September 24)
46. Two and a Half Men (CBS | Thursday, September 27)
47. Last Resort (ABC | Thursday, September 27)
48. Raising Hope (FOX | Tuesday, October 2)
49. The New Normal (NBC | Tuesday, September 11) You might be surprised that Ryan Murphy's third television project currently airing is actually as good as you'd hope it is. You'd be even more surprised that Real Housewives star NeNe Leakes might give you more laughs than anyone else on an already impressive cast.
50. Revolution (NBC | Monday, September 17) We'll be honest: not much about a sci-fi drama has thrilled us since LOST left the airwaves, and being that FOX's two attempts (Terra Nova and Alcatraz) both failed, we're not excited about NBC—who is already pretty horrible at fostering dramas—taking this on. But we're keeping the faith in the Peacock (and creator J.J. Abrams) and crossing our fingers for a good mind-bending trick or two.
51. The X Factor (FOX | Wednesday, September 12) BRITNEY. SPEARS.
52. 666 Park Avenue (ABC | Sunday, September 30)
53. 90210 (The CW | Monday, October 8)
54. Tosh.0 (Comedy Central | Tuesday, September 25)
55. The Voice (NBC | Monday, September 10)
56. CSI (CBS | Wednesday, September 26)
57. Scandal (ABC | Thursday, September 27)
58. Ben and Kate (FOX | Tuesday, September 25)
59. Person of Interest (CBS | Thursday, September 27)
60. Nikita (The CW | Friday, October 19)
61. Hawaii Five-0 (CBS | Monday, September 24)
62. American Dad! (FOX | Sunday, September 30) While Stewie and Brian are great, Stan Marsh beats Peter Griffin any day of the week, and American Dad! out-laughed its predecessor Family Guy many times last season.
63. NCIS (CBS | Tuesday, September 25)
64. Treme (HBO | Sunday, September 23)
65. CSI: NY (CBS | Friday, September 28)
66. Jersey Shore (MTV | Thursday, October 4) While we're not exactly looking forward to sending our favorite GTL-ers into the great box of canceled shows in the TV sky, we're sure that Pauly, Snooki and the gang have a few more antics saved for the final season.
67. Animal Practice (NBC | Wednesday, September 26)
68. Private Practice (ABC | Tuesday, September 25)
69. Vegas (CBS | Tuesday, September 25)
70. The Mentalist (CBS | Sunday, September 30)
71. The Middle (ABC | Wednesday, September 26)
72. The Amazing Race (CBS | Sunday, September 30)
73. Key and Peele (Comedy Central | Wednesday, September 26) While our excite-o-meter gets a little wonky in these parts, Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele might be two Chappelles for the price of one.
74. NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS | Tuesday, September 25)
75. Touch (FOX | Friday, October 26)
76. Blue Bloods (CBS | Friday, September 28)
77. Robot Chicken (Cartoon Network | Sunday, September 9)
78. Kitchen Nightmares (FOX | Friday, September 28)
79. Beauty and the Beast (The CW | Thursday, October 11) Getting into the bulk of things we're really not excited to see isn't easy, but here goes: Beauty and the Beast borrows Smallville's Kristen Kreuk for no real reason, makes a brooding hunk with a tiny scratch on his face a "beast", and it just doesn't work.
80. Elementary (CBS | Thursday, September 27)
81. Dancing with the Stars: All-Stars (ABC | Monday, September 24)
82. Chicago Fire (NBC | Wednesday, October 10) Putting this nicely, there's nothing at all special about Fire. The cast is dull, the drama is recycled, and as far as firefighter dramas go, it's best to just leave the legacy to Rescue Me.
83. The Cleveland Show (FOX | Sunday, October 7)
84. RuPaul's All Stars Drag Race (Logo | Monday, October 22)
85. Mike & Molly (CBS | Monday, September 24)
86. The Ultimate Fighter (FX | Friday, September 14)
87. Catfish (MTV | Monday, November 12) We might have to wait a while for fall's most intriguing new reality series, but a show that tests online relationships by forcing the couple to meet in real life for the first time could get interesting.
88. Brickleberry (Comedy Central | Tuesday, September 25) It's exactly what you think it would be if Daniel Tosh did Family Guy.
89. The Neighbors (ABC | Wednesday, September 26) A laughably lame comedy about aliens across the fence. No thanks.
90. Whitney (NBC | Friday, October 19)
91. Bob's Burgers (FOX | Sunday, September 30)
92. Last Man Standing (ABC | Friday, November 2)
93. Shark Tank (ABC | Friday, September 14)
94. Guys with Kids (NBC | Wednesday, September 12) The single redeeming quality about this otherwise pathetic new comedy is Zach Cregger, who could be one of the brightest new comedic stars if he can land the right gig. But neither this or last year's Friends with Benefits have enough supporting strength.
95. Underemployed (MTV | Tuesday, October 16)
96. The Mob Doctor (FOX | Monday, September 17)
97. The Real Housewives of Miami (Bravo | Thursday, September 13)
98. Emily Owens, M.D. (The CW | Tuesday, October 16)
99. Malibu County (ABC | Friday, November 2)
100. Made in Jersey (CBS | Friday, September 28) Maybe CBS should have taken the hint from MTV canceling Jersey Shore: the Jersey thing just isn't cool anymore, and neither is this series, already doomed for a Friday slot and inevitable cancellation.