One-Sentence Reviews of Every 'Degrassi: Showdown' Episode Ever

08/16/2012

You should probably help Degrassi win the Best High School Show Ever Competition. You should probably do that.

Before Degrassi closes its doors for the summer with a mind-blowing season finale (TONIGHT, 10pm ET, TeenNick), we thought we'd give you the opportunity to catch up on 5 weeks of non-stop drama. Our handy episode guide lets you know everything that went down over the course of Showdown, so feel free to check out any of our individual recaps and reviews below and get familiar. Our finale recap will be up IMMEDIATELY after tonight's show, where we're assuming no one dies but could be totally wrong. Anything can happen when Shakespeare's involved!

"Come As You Are, Part 1"
Maya gets fake boobs in the form of giant bras, Drew dumps Katie in order to get be sluts with Bianca, and Clare dumps her dignity to be sluts with Eli.
Grade: B

"Come As You Are, Part 2"
Drew has sex with new ex Katie because that makes a ton of sense, and Clare decides that everything in Season 12 will be about her.
Grade: B-

"Walking on Broken Glass, Part 1"
Jake's kiss makes Katie sob giant tears, so she decides to expose Drew to Bianca in front of everyone, while Tristan falls in love with Cam and pretends to be Maya over Fancerange in order to get into his pint-sized dungarees.
Grade: B

"Walking on Broken Glass, Part 2"
Munro Goddamn Chambers gives Becky Baker the Holy Smackdown while Drew dies about thirteen times.
Grade: B+

"Got Your Money, Part 1"
Zig becomes the lead singer of Joseph & The Amazing Technicolor Dreamboat Rainbow Unicorns, which is a fun thing to do when you're hiding the fact that you're super poor.
Grade: B

"Got Your Money, Part 2"
Luke and Dallas bond over their hatred of the gays—then they start making out.
Grade: B-

"Say It Ain't So, Part 1"
Dave's broke so he gives Alli the gift of a lifetime: A PREGNANCY (other stuff happened too but LOL).
Grade: B

"Say It Ain't So, Part 2"
Everyone tries to prove themselves: Jake to his dad, Cam to the hockey team, and Alli to her growing lovechild, except just kidding she's not pregnant.
Grade: B+

"Closer To Free, Part 1"
Jenna considers Christianity while performing for Odd Christians Crew Gang Jesus Lord Praise Them All, while Clare just won't accept the fact that she can really be a raging bitch.
Grade: B-

"Closer To Free, Part 2"
Jenna converts to Christianity in order to bang Luke, but to her surprise his holy pants will not unzip, and Clare admits she's a bitch.
Grade: C+

"Waterfalls, Part 1"
Maya wants to kiss Cam but he hasn't gotten his cootie shot yet or something, and Asher really wants to kiss Clare and she's fine with it JUST KIDDING THAT'S GROSS.
Grade: B+

"Waterfalls, Part 2"
Asher Shostak tries to bang Clare again because of course she trusted him again, and Maya tries to kiss Cam again because it's Part Two and I mean, unless he's gay he kinda has to.
Grade: B

"Rusty Cage, Part 1"
KC and his fresh-out-of-jail pappy try and figure out which of them is the worst dad, and I think the dad wins because KC sucks at school but his dad is really good at prison.
Grade: B-

"Rusty Cage, Part 2"
KC finally decides to leave Degrassi, ridding his life of its two biggest problems—his crazy pappy and that girl he once got pregnant but can't remember her name—while Maya's such a horrible girlfriend that Cam throws himself off of a stairwell.
Grade: A-

"Never Ever, Part 1"
Imogen's dad becomes The Degrassi Flasher, which helps ignite the sparks between Lumberjake and Black-Haired Katie because everyone likes a surprise penis (awww).
Grade: B

"Never Ever, Part 2"
After The Degrassi Flasher kills Imogen's dog, she decides it's time to put him to sleep (kidding, you guys) while Katie and Jake make out on the kiss-cam for Dallas and Becky's Adam-lusting loins are smited when she finds out her tramp is a lady.
Grade: B

"Sabotage, Part 1"
Clare spends the entire episode chugging beers and smacking bros in the face and reminding them that Degrassi is a show about Clare "HBIC" Edwards, goddammit.
Grade: A-

"Sabotage, Part 2"
Fiona makes a batch of turkey sandwiches for a girl she doesn't know named Clare "HBIC" Edwards, but everyone is too busy punching hockey players in the face and breaking up and getting engaged and stuff to eat her delectable treats.
Grade: A

"Scream, Part 1"
Tristan sort of finds love and Becky actually finds a holy toilet, so she immediately begins praying so that Adam/Gracie can be cured of her ailness while Eli saves his play from Dallas' evil puck powers and Clare conspiring to kill Asher continues the trend of making every single f*cking thing at Degrassi about her.
Grade: B-

The Degrassi: Showdown finale airs TONIGHT at 10pm EST on TeenNick.

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