Non-Interview: Lady Gaga's 'Born This Way' Tattoo Responds To 'ARTPOP' Announcement

08/07/2012

Here at Ology, there's only thing we love more than talking to our favorite musicians, artists, athletes and celebrities: not talking to them. In our ongoing series of Non-Interviews, we'll be asking hard, probing, no-nonsense questions to a rotating cast of influential men and women who are much too busy to actually speak with us.

"Make sure when writing about my new album/project ARTPOP that you CAPITALIZE the title, *its all in the details*," tweeted Lady Gaga on Sunday along with a photo of her new tattoo—the capitalized title of her third studio album emblazoned across her inner arm. Fans, of course, know this isn't the first time Gaga has immortalized an album title announcement in permanent ink. In September 2010, following her famous meat-dress appearance at the VMAs, Gaga premiered a new tattoo on her left thigh: a unicorn underneath a banner reading "Born This Way," in honor of her then-new album.

| Lady Gaga Announces New Album/Project 'ARTPOP' Via Tattoo |

No longer the hot, exciting new Lady Gaga tattoo, the Born This Way unicorn tattoo reached to us at Ology.com this week over the phone (not even remotely making this up) to discuss the new album, the new ARTPOP tattoo and what the future might or might not hold in store. Check out our maybe slightly a little bit fictionalized non-conversation below.

Lady Gaga Unicorn Tattoo, thank you so much for taking the time to talk to us today. I understand that you're speaking to us in secret… that Gaga herself is currently passed out in some sort of cocaine related stupor… is that correct?

All I know is that she is passed the eff out. I swear, this girl does not take a moment's break! Always running around, doing this, doing that, trying on this, recording that, flying here, there. It's exhausting. I haven't had a moment to speak to the press until now.

Well, we really appreciate you reaching out to us. As everyone's surely heard by now, Gaga's new album is titled ARTPOP and it's already been tattooed on her arm. How are you feeling about the extra company?

Not great, to be honest with you. I mean, I know it's been a really an amazing two years, I've gotten to see the world through a whole lot of different fishnet stockings… but I can't help it, you know? I feel like I just got here! Like I had my moment in the sun and now it's over. For shit's sake, man, the Born This Way tour isn't even over yet and already she's moved on to someone else!

Lady Gaga Artpop

Have you been getting along at all with the ARTPOP tattoo, personality-wise?

Not really. ARTPOP is still pretty raw. Really shy, doesn't like talking to anyone. Like, I tried to be the bigger tattoo, you know? I thought, "Look, here's the new kid on the block. I was the red, sore tattoo once too." I'm thinking, "I'll take the kid under my wing. Show it the ropes. Let it know yeah, it's okay to be a little freaked out by everything. But it's okay, you get used to the constant running around, the constant costume changes and the various narcotics running like a white water rafting course underneath you." But it doesn't want to hear any of that. Can't tell the rookies anything, you know?

Would it be fair to say that Lady Gaga has treated you unfairly? Do you feel like she's turned on you? Betrayed you, even?

I know I'm not supposed to think that… but yeah, you know, maybe a little bit. I thought we'd at least have this tour together, you know? We'd put out maybe five or six more music videos together, do some more naked Twitpics… you know, have a few laughs. I didn't expect it all come crashing down so quickly. [Sighs] Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, you know? One day you're most important pop culture unicorn since Blade Runner: The Director's Cut and the next, you're just another maladjusted girl complex. It all just goes so fast. I sure wasn't ready.

If there's anything you could say to Lady Gaga right now, what would it be?

[Thinks] Don't fall asleep on your back. That's how Janis Joplin went.

…No, I don't mean right now right now. I mean, in general, concerning your relationship?

Oh. Well… I guess I'd thank her for permanently scarring her body with me. I'd say thanks for not burying me under pants all day. The fresh air is nice. I'd tell her how grateful I am to be seeing the world and performing to thousands of screaming fans every night instead of washing away in the shower off a seven-year-old girl's wrist. Um, and I guess I'd wish her a lot of luck with ARTPOP. Even more good times than she had with me. [Sniffle] She's a hard working kid. She deserves a lot of good in her life. I'd tell her I tried my best to give that too her. I hope she liked having me ten inches from her ass these past two years. It's been a real ride.

Lady Gaga tattoo