'Degrassi' Recap: "Rusty Cage, Part 1"

08/07/2012

Previously on Degrassi, KC's dad got out of jail and heard that KC was also being a terrible parent so I guess he wanted to meet up and share Bad Dad stories.

Cam's still doin' his hockey thing, you know, slayin' pucks, and slayin' ladies… that is, until life goes into SLOW MOTION and he screws up in the middle of a really important game (I think? Are all hockey games really important? Think so). I mean, hockey's already pretty brutal but it's gotta be really bad in slo-mo. The next day, he's super bummed about it, but his ragtag gang of pals Maya, Tori, and Tristan are like, "Let's cheer you up by going to the only restaurant in Toronto!" Cam backs out and claims he has "practice," which is definitely a lie because come on, no one has practice when it comes to girls.

Fiona has decided to make today her birthday (or Fiona Coyne Day, or something) and Imogen's like, "LOLZ, I live in a universe where every day's my birthday. I'm 1,381,295. I'm so much older and smarter than you. Gonna fly away on this sparkly unicorn now, kbye."

KC is practicing with the Degrassi Academic Somethingorwhat and Bianca and Connor are insisting that until they've memorized all of Wikipedia they're just f*cking idiots. KC agrees that he's dumb, but he also confesses to the gang that his dad is out of jail and he has to like, get dinner with him. Out in public. KC's like, "Why does my dad want to spend time with me? I don't want to spend time with my kid." Bianca just shrugs. Connor Googles it and comes up with pictures of strippers so I guess that didn't help, either.

Cam's at home definitely not practicing and Skyping with his mom, venting about the fact that he's like the worst best hockey player in history. Or maybe the best worst hockey player in history. His mom's like, "Listen, son. I'm gonna be all parental and supportive and junk, but you should probably also not be Skyping with your mom and over at Maya's playing with her tongue in your mouth. Just saying. LOVE YOU!"

KC is at what I like to call The Single Most Awkward Dinner in the History of Both Television and Dinner. Dad's like, "Listen. I'm horrible. You're horrible. Let's be friends?" KC's like, "Just to be clear: I gave up my son in order for both of us to have a brighter future. YOU WENT TO JAIL. I'm pretty sure that I am way less horrible than you are, but I'll give you a chance anyway because this is television and I can't just say ef you when there's still 22 minutes left in the episode."

All those hockey players are talking crap about how Cam's the best worst/worst best hockey player ever. Cam gets so mad that he just starts drinking milk. No, like, I'm serious: he gets so extremely angry that he takes an entire carton of milk—which was apparently either just lying around or Campbell Saunders can summon milk with the powers of hockey magic—to the face. He walks in, pukes everywhere in front of everyone, and then walks back out.

It's a boot-and-rally, and when he heads over to hang with Maya and Tristan and Tori and Zig, Maya throws another curveball at Cam: if he wanna be her lover, he gotta get with her friends… and sing karaoke! Too bad Campbell Saunders can't summon milk with his hockey magic—just kidding, he can, but decides not to go with it this time—and finds himself murmuring The Darkness' "I Believe In A Thing Called Love." Because Campbell Saunders is going to be the first hockey player on American Idol and you untalented heathens will DEAL WITH IT.

Fiona and Imogen are just being the cutest lady lovin' lady lovers I've ever seen in my whole life until Drew walks in. Imogen screams "EEEK! A PENIS!" and runs out. Fiona claims that Drew is literally the worst roommate ever, slightly because he's messy but mostly because of his penis, and Drew's like, "Well, excuse me for wanting to watch two sexy ladies making out. Gonna go upstairs and text Bianca about how hot that was."

For his dad's resume, KC asks him what he's good at and KC's dad says, "Honestly, I'm super good at prison!" KC's mom chimes in that he's also great at selling crack, like if that's something employers are looking for. KC decides that this is gonna be tough.

Maya is obsessed with Cam's singing skills now and thinks he should audition for Glee. Cam says that he doesn't like singing, he likes SPORTS and sports guys that hate him like Dallas and Luke, who just found out about him skipping practice because every karaoke performance ever is on YouTube.

Fiona's still mad about living with a dick, until she realizes that dick has cleaned his half of the entire apartment. What a douche move! Meanwhile, the hockey boys are punishing Campbell for skipping practice by making him sprint until he dies. He does.

KC gets home to fix that urgent problem his mom texted him about, but it turns out that he got a job. In like, thirteen seconds. KC's mom is so excited about this that she's gonna get wasted, which goes against that time where she stopped drinking. Campbell's wicked pissed about what those hockey players did to him, and accidentally cuts himself in the name of being a rebel. This can't be good for part two, you guys!

SumOlogy: Campbell Saunders is magical. And CRAZY!

Grade: B-

Leftovers

"How is there so much barf inside of one little dude?"

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