Because nothing in Clare's life is ever really gonna go right and this is Degrassi, being Asher's intern is goin' horrible and even Asher's boss greets Clare with a sassy punch to the gut. But that doesn't stop Clare from bein' all virtually aggressive! She sends Asher her pitches so that he can take a look at them. And maybe fondle them a bit. I'm not talking about her pitches, am I? Totally talking about her breasts. Roll the opener!

KC's getting lines now because I forgot he's coaching The Degrassi Academic Somethingorwhat (which includes Connor, because I mean, he the only Degrassian who wears glasses and sniffs panties, and you're not gonna not have a glasses guy on your Academic Somethingorwhat) but that immediately stops when his horrible mother walks in and wants to know the goss. Did Eli and Clare get back together? Is Jenna still ignoring the existence of her kid? Ms. KC's Mom has missed all of Showdown so far because she has DirecTV and needs to be caught up!

Clare's both salivating over Asher and freaking out about Asher and I don't really know what's going on because Melinda Shankar and Munro Chambers are literally my two favorite Canadians on the entire planet and Aislinn Paul is kinda ruining this moment for me. Anyway, something happens and then a phone rings and then she thinks she's getting fired. But it's like 4 minutes in, so that can't be it. He must be about to molest her. That's definitely about to happen.

Maya dishes the Campbell goods to Tori, but Tristan's singing his jealousy into an abyss, dreaming of a far away cloudy land where Campbell's penis is his, and his only.

Asher tells Clare that she's neurotic and I had to pause the television and laugh for about eighty minutes. Then he invites her to speed pitch a bunch of things so he can shoot them down, until he hears about this magical gay musical that's happening at Degrassi. Um, has Asher not been watching Showdown, either? Get off of satellite, bro!

KC needs to figure out how to get rid of his mother and Bianca's like, "Well, I could just kill her. I've totally held a gun and pointed it at a big scary black man before. Your mom would be zero problems." KC says "But then who would be the most terrible person in my family? Me. And I can't be that guy," so Bianca tries her slut magic to hook up their history teacher up with KC's mom!

Clare's like, "my generation is going to change the world!" and Asher's like "OMG, you watch Girls? Me too! I can't watch Degrassi cuz I have DirecTV but OMG can you believe Hannah and Adam actually got together? Also, let's write your big gay musical article. Gonna make out witchu later, girl."

Maya seeks a shopping trip from Katie so she can get hot Victoria's Secret underwear or something for Campbell and I don't know why, of all people, she asks the girl in dirty plaid and a bubble vest, not to mention that DISGUSTING BLACK HAIR. Katie's fine with them dating as long as she gets to watch, because it's not like she has Drew to suck face with anymore.

Clare arranges the interview with Eli and Asher and totally forgets she's still an intern until Asher's like GET ME COFFEE INTERN. Then Clare's like, "oh, right. My life is sh*t." She watches from the sideline as Asher watches Tristan and Tori make sweet musical love. Clare's bummed because she didn't even get to do the interview herself and is going to fix things FOR THE SAKE OF JOURNALISM! Asher isn't convinced that Clare can handle penning the article, but he hands her the notes and gives her, like, three minutes to write the whole thing.

Katie's being a black-haired bitch and asking Campbell about his virginity, and Maya screams "Oh my God, is that Drew kissing Bianca?!" before hauling ass away from The Wicked Witch of The West. They run into a photobooth and start gettin' with the chemistry. He reveals that this is the most fun he's ever had at Degrassi, and Maya's like "um, my lips on your face will make this WAY MORE FUN, just watch," but then he mysteriously backs away and runs all the way home screaming. What's up with Campbell, yo?!

KC manages to get his mom and that teacher Mr. Thompson together and does the perfect tuck and roll. Mr. Thompson asks if she wants to play darts, but he, like, actually means darts. He wasn't talking about his privates or anything. Lame.

Clare's still like ASHER ASHER ASHER and freaking out about ASHER ASHER ASHER and Munro Chambers is still cool as a chilled cucumber while Clare starts hitting herself in the face over splitting an infinitive. Munro Chambers just smiles. Oh, Clare.

KC's mom gets pissed at being set up and KC says, "Listen, Mom. I love you and junk, but if you try and be friends with Bianca, she will turn you into a vicious, raging, lip-hungry slut, and that's actually worse than you forcing me to play Scrabble with you for fourteen nights in a row."

Clare hauls ass to Asher's freaking out about literally everything in her life and Asher tries to calm her down, because he just realized that she's absolutely lost it this season and he hasn't even see the first two weeks of Showdown because of that DirecTV thing.

Maya is just making out with Tori (the way I see it) and wondering why Campbell won't do the same. Tori shrugs, suggests that she let him take the lead, and then grabs her face again.

Asher is inching closer and closer to Clare and before you know it he's comforting Clare WITH HIS MOUTH ON HER FACE. Clare does that Tom Cruise run from Vanilla Sky because before she was a uber-sensitive hyper-active jerk, but now she's a uber-sensitive hyper-active jerk cheater. Worst season ever for Clare!

SumOlogy: Clare will never have a happy life. Degrassi just don't work that way, girlfriend.

Grade: B+

Leftovers

I liked this episode a lot, but I can't help but feel like turning Clare into this incredibly unstable girl is really sudden and out of nowhere.

I really liked Dylan Everett in this episode as Campbell. Haven't been feelin' his character much all season, but this was a growing half-hour for him and I think he was well-portrayed.

Is it weird that Asher is not the ugliest person in the world?

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Terron R. Moore

Degrassi