Will DadBoner Defend Guy Fieri After Cruel New York Times Restaurant Review?
I guess some people don't appreciate the Bold Flavor Lifestyle, you guys.
The New York Times printed a classless review of Guy Fieri's new NYC restaurant today, and the Twittersphere is calling on Karl Welzein, a.k.a. DadBoner for a response. Last we heard from Welzein, he and Dave were hiding in the john with the lights turned off and some ranch corn nuts for provisions, after the landlord discovered that Crazy Cooter and his friends had ruined "Club Karl" next door by having deviant carnal relations and going number two in the bathtub.
Will Guy Fieri's biggest fan and possible future business partner come out of stick up for Guy's honor, and for Bold Flavor men everywhere? We can only hope, you guys.
Here's more,
DadBoner a.k.a. Karl Welzein got canned from his job recently, after Nosey Lady found him passed out on the floor of the lady's john when he had some kind of seizure situaish with a bad batch of BL 'Nums. So Karl has been living the "All Freedom Lifestyle," making merry with Dave and Crazy Cooter, but even a Bad Boy has to earn some bread, somehow.
So DadBoner has put his rezz (resume, if you still speak square) up on Craigslist, and he's sure to get some hot leads on it real soon.
Under his employment history he lists Owner/Operator/CEO of Captain Karl's Pizza Ship (Keepin' the celebraish goin' 24/7 -365 with specials like "buy 11 get the 12th free top shelf margs" and "Cheetos on anything for an extra dollar"), President and CEO, DJ, The works, really of Bad Boy City USA Entertainment (Blar...
We don't know much about DadBoner's roommate Dave, except that he's a no-class corncob who leaches onto Karl and ruins all of his best plans by doin'things like beefin' in front of babes. But here' another best guess as to what Dave might look like.
Check out more of Guys Who Might Be Dave, and post your own Daves in our DadBoner Ology.
Even after Deadspin used some lightly sourced evidence to out comedian Mike Burns as the writer/creator of the brilliant @DadBoner Twitter account last March, Burns remained remarkably silent on his possible association to Karl Welzein. It appears now that Burns is owning up to it, or at least no longer denying that he's the one behind DadBoner.
A bio of Burns turned up at CollegeHumor.com this week, in an advertisement for a festival for "New Faces" in comedy. In a strange turn, the bio flatly states that Burns is DadBoner. After giving an account of Burns' comedy accolades, the bio reads: "Mike is also the creator of the cult hit Twitter feed, @DadBoner, where he ghost narrates the life of Karl Welzein from a first-person perspective." The bio goes on to explain just who and what in the hell DadBoner is, then says: "Written anonymously, @DadBoner leaves fans desperate to know whether Karl is real, or just who writes it exactly. Your discretion with this information is very much appreciated."
Discretion? You mean like not posting it publicly on the internet for everyone to see? The bio is so un-DadBoner it makes you want to choke. It's also so un-Mike Burns that you have to wonder how he ever approved such a thing, or if he even knew what precious information they were sharing about him.
Sorry, but the cat's really out of the bag now, you guys.
So. Who is this Mike Burns guy? For starters, he was born in Saginaw, Mich., not far from Karl Welzein's hometown of Grand Blanc. He went to Michigan State University (Adams, that is, not Welzein) and graduated with an advertising degree ("it might as well have been a framed bill," Adams said in an interview). He's 37 (by rough calculation). He lives now in Los Angeles. He's a comedian. He's a talented writer. He loves Bob Seger and Americana. DadBoner is not his only alter ego. He's a really smart guy. And he's really, really funny.
You probably could have guessed most of that, if you've been following along on Twitter. And as I've long suspected, I think I have a crush on the dude.
Burns did an interview with Serial Optimist Magazine in November of 2010, in which you can see a clear connection between Burns as an artist and comedian, and the brilliance of DadBoner.
"I get such a grand satisfaction from having a portion of meatheads in an audience cheer on a misogynistic comment, while the sane portion knows I’m obviously calling out the idiots," Burns said of his comedy, though he may just as easily have been talking about his @DadBoner feed.
On the surface Karl Welzein is a misogynistic anti-hero who contains not a shred of self-awareness. But beneath the character there is an obvious intelligence. Along with DadBoner the SuperMachoMan there are overtones that show a sympathy and admiration for gays and women harmonizing with a sincere delight in the typically dumb parts of American masculintiy.
"Mike Burns knows how dumb men are and why we do dumb things," fellow comedian Matt Braunger said of Burns, "and not from the perspective of someone who likes 'According to Jim' or 'Two and a Half Men,' but from someone who likes Big Daddy Kane and Bob Seger. Equally,"
DadBoner is an odd phenomenon (closing in now on 100,000 Twitter followers), because you always wonder which side of the coin it is that actually makes DadBoner popular: whether it's meathead readers finding affirmation in the over-the-top chauvinism, or more self-aware readers who see the deep-seated commentary. You find yourself wondering, Am I laughing with Karl, or at him? Surely, it is both.
There's a masculinity crisis in the new generation of American men today. In the workplace and in the contemporary nuclear family, men are being confronted with gender equality in ways previous generations of men never were. As far as I can tell, the two typical responses of young American males are to be either a dick or a eunuch. A bro or a hipster or a wimp. Attempt to overpower women or to withdraw into a tepid, impotent and oh-so-boring manhood. But it shouldn't have to be an either/or.
Why can't we watch sports and drink crappy beer and eat Taco Bell and make dumb jokes and listen to Bob Seger while we also read smart things, care about the world around us, cook good food, and respect women as equals?
I've always felt like whoever it was behind DadBoner really gets it. I'm glad that as I look further into who Mike Burns is, my suspicions are being confirmed.
But enough of all that. You need to see Burns in action. He's got a personal Twitter account, @pizzanachos69, and a really good Tumblr.
And here's three wonderful yet undiscovered videos. In the first two is Burns playing another alter ego of his, Caleb Hodgekiss, who has some obvious similarities to DadBoner. The third video is what Burns claims to be his first comedy performance, as a drunk three-year-old. Enjoy.
Brian D. :
The Deadspin article suggested that he had legit representation, my guess is some clueless young agent put out that bio without consulting his client.
August 3, 2012
Bison Messink:
For the record, my guess is that Burns has a small team of writers helping him with the account now. It's too much high-quality stuff for one man to have time to do, especially if he has a life and career outside of writing a fake Twitter account for free. I'd imagine that some of his comedian friends give him material for, say, a weekend story line, and Burns edits it and posts.
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