'Degrassi' Recap: "Walking On Broken Glass, Part 1"

07/19/2012

So Marisol is permed and ready to be HBIC now that Katie's got a broken heart but of course Katie isn't having it for Degrassi's first black president just yet. The plan for the upcoming hockey team pep rally is to RUIN DREW promote school spirit and unity amongst the students so that Katie can ruin Drew's life everyone can have a good time. And this is normal. Katie suddenly becomes a crying, ridiculous wreck, and it's my favorite thing about her!

Where is Cory Lee?

Katie is crushed so girls do whatever girls do when girls are crushed: have a non-lesbian sleepover. BORING.

Maya and Tristan are having a kiki in French class when all of a sudden A BOY WALKS UP AND TRISTAN HITS PUBERTY. He's got a mancrush now! I wonder if Campbell's gay.

Mr. Simpson is in his office chillin' and MUNRO CHAMBERS IS JUST STANDING THERE. Wait, sorry, Eli- Eli walks in to get an easy approval of his play proposal, but Becky Baker beat that bitch to it.

Tristan needs gay help from Owen, which is gonna be tough because Owen kinda hates everything about gay things. Tristan's like "new hockey player" and Owen's like "not gay" and Tristan's like "FINE DIDN'T EVEN WANT YOUR GAY HELP ANYWAY" and something about eggs. I'm hungry.

Marisol comes over for that sleepover and only brings two bags- and by bags, I mean Jake and Mo. Katie's angry because Jake's a slut but doesn't she know that's just what the doctor ordered?! Broken hearts, horniness, loneliness, revenge… sluts fix everything!

Eli goes to check Becky and Becky gives him a giant WHO GON' CHECK ME BOO?! Eli swipes the lead from her and their smiles say everything, if everything means "watch your back, bitch, I will cut you in your sleep."

Marisol and Mo go to make out off camera (LMAO, right), and then all of a sudden Katie grabs Jake's face. But GUYS. GUYS. THE KISS IS SO BAD THAT KATIE STARTS CRYING HYSTERICALLY. Jake feels used (and also insulted), so he takes her to egg Bianca's car and she starts wrecking it. Bianca's gonna have to call a slut to fix that (but I bet she knows a lot of 'em)!

For some inexplicable reason, Bianca is real mad about the starving kids in Africa who didn't get to eat the eggs that were slammed against her car, and Katie's like "whatevs, gotcha bitch." If she's gonna hurt, everyone's gonna hurt, and despite the fact that Drew wants Katie to chill out she literally smashed a beer can on her head, smacks him in the face and then punts a baby kitten. At least that's what I saw on my DirecTV.

Tristan is mad that Campbell friended Maya and not him, but when she leaves her FaceRange open, Tristan chats with him pretending to be Maya. Oh, #gayboys.

Eli chucks Clare's sandwich because good boyfriends do whatever they want. Clare says be nice to Becky and Eli says okay, only because GOD ECLARE IS SO EFFING ADORABLE.

Campbell comes over to chat with Maya/Tristan and Maya finds out that Tristan is being Maya/Tristan behind her back. Jesus, this is a great storyline! Tristan tries to go over and sit with Campbell and the hockey boys, only to be heartbroken when he's dissed by him and his bros.

Dallas brings Katie video footage for her hockey pep rally sizzle reel and OF COURSE there is footage on it of Drew celebrating his very first sexcapade. Will Katie use it?! Will she?!

Tristan spent some time ugly crying and now he's over it until Campbell apologizes for having to play along with the team and Tristan's back in love! Because this is Degrassi and all stupid ideas are smart, Maya hands over her FaceRange password.

Katie leads the hockey team pep rally and I am ITCHING to see what happens with this reel. Of course, Katie takes the low road and ruins Drew by playing the footage of him drunk and raving about vaginas.

Eli walks into the play production meeting all MY IDEA IS OFFICIAL before Katie announces NO IT'S NOT YOU BLACK-HAIRED HEATHEN and Death of a Salesman is off and THE ROMEO AND JULIET RAINBOW MUSICAL DREAMCOAT SPECTACULAR! is on. Which is great, because Eli knows a lot about colors.

Bianca breaks up with Drew, and Katie comes clean about being a mean bitch, even if it means losing her presidency, which means something sad about Katie but WHO CARES BECAUSE DEGRASSI GETS ITS FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT!

SumOlogy: OBAMA!

Grade: B

Leftovers

"Do you know that there are starving children in Africa, ya dumb bitch?!" I am going to work on saying this at least five times a day.

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