I've had lots of intel on Season 12 and what's to come, and yet I'm still super excited for what Degrassi: Showdown has to offer. Look later today for my interview with Jessica Tyler, where she gives us 5 things you can expect from the new season, one of which you may not have seen coming... in the meantime, let's discuss this premiere episode, shall we? Clare is back in school and WHERE'S ELI in case you're not caught up. Let's go!
Oh, so we begin with new boy Dallas, who lives with Drew and Adam and is also the new Aubrey Graham? I'm fine with that. Everyone is worried about this big school assembly—is the school closing down?—except Clare, who's like WHERE'S ELI I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM SINCE SEASON 11. Oh, Clare. No one cares just yet.
Drew confesses to Bianca that he hasn't broken up with Katie yet, which makes sense when Katie shows up with love and optimism. Mr. Simpson announces that the school is now uniform-free and it literally takes all of two seconds for Bianca to put on her slutsuit. Oh, this is gonna be some kind of season!
New intro to come with the new season. CLARE GETS THE LOGO! This is awesome sauce.
Mr. Simpson introduces the hockey team imports and Alli's got hungry eyes. Clare finally sets her sights on Eli and the two make small talk while Clare's eyes say PLEASE WANT TO BANG ME ELI. Too bad Becky shows up and ruins the fun.
Tori and Maya and Tristan are all excited about #highschoolstuffs when Dallas jokes about Maya's lack of boobs. Which is really rude, only to be trumped by DREW FINALLY BREAKING UP WITH KATIE! But in order to do it, he has to make up a girl that he cheated on her with. Her name is Courtney, and she's a slutty ski bunny! Also, she's not real. So… yeah. Pissy Katie, crummy Drew, sexy Drianca times to come!
Maya wants to audition for Mo's band and Mo's like NOT WITH THAT FACE.
Drew sets up a cheeseburger date for Bianca in a hot pink shirt, until Dallas and Adam announce to Drew that they're having a party with a KEG! Drew's like NO WAY COME ON, I WORE THIS SHIRT THAT SHOWS OFF MY MANBOOBS and Dallas says TOUGH TITTIES, VIRGIN. Basically.
Clare reveals to Alli and Jenna that she kissed Eli last season and Jake tells her not to worry because Eli will kiss her again before the episode is over, probably. Meanwhile, Katie is venting to Marisol about her crappy ex, and blaming herself for being a sucky girlfriend. She considers crashing Drew's party and then realizes I'M ON DEGRASSI OF COURSE I'M CRASHING DREW'S PARTY. Marisol stares off into space, because it's all she can do not to tell her how stupid she is.
Maya's still worried about her breasts, and Tristan, who's not even into girls, insists that Maya has a nice body, and Tori talks about the time that she wanted a breast reduction, RIGHT, BECAUSE THEY GIVE THOSE TO TENTH GRADERS.
Katie shows up to Drew's party and Drew has to go into overdrive to protect his secret. Meanwhile, Clare is doing everything short of saying WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME ELI while he's telling everyone within earshot about his fancy New York City trip. Alli insists that Clare dance her life away—until she actually sees Clare dance, and then decides NEW PLAN let's lock you in a closet.
Drew meets up with Katie, who is absolutely hysterical over Drew not being happy to see her. Drew tells Katie to go to his room… he's not gonna have sex with her, is he? No… that's definitely not going to happen, that's absolutely not why there's been all this condom talk in one episode. No way, right?
Maya gets boob perker-uppers. Hot?
Drew bids adieu to Bianca, but Dallas and Owen tell him DRINK DRINK DRINK and the next thing we know, Drew is wasted and whatdya know, tells the truth about Courtney. Katie says "that's okay, I'm awful," and Drew responds with "so happy that you're so cool about this, and thanks for saving my life by the way." THEN THEY HAVE SEX SO MUCH.
Clare breaks out of that closet and finds Eli, who is sitting alone on a bench outside looking droopy. Clare starts again with this WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME crap and Eli's like DID YOU FORGET THE TIME I WROTE A PLAY ABOUT YOU?! Then she realizes, oh, if I want this, I can have it? Okay! Then they make out a bunch. Eli and Clare are back together, you guys! They're back together!
Drew had sex and now he's gonna go ahead and take his pink shirt off and dance around to that because that makes sense and Bianca never mattered, I guess. That's episode 1!
SumOlogy: School's back, and the sluts are out to play. Exciting!
Grade: B
Leftovers
This was actually a damn good premiere episode as far as I'm concerned. Great use of the entire cast, some interesting setups for the new year, and I'm interested to see how Drew handles his Katie/Bianca dilemma.
I'm glad that Eli and Clare got back together and I hope that the show just leaves it there and does literally zero more storylines when it comes to them.
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