Before we get to the boys, Chris grills Emily in a few taped pieces of Never Before Seens which basically sounds like Chris saying REMEMBER WHEN YOU DATED ASSHOLES and Emily's like YUP SURE DO. It's very clear that this two-hour special will be all about Kalon and Ryan and Doug's Awkward Kiss Heard 'Round The World along with endless plugs for next week's Bachelor Pad but I'm pretty fine with that.
It literally takes the entire first half-hour of the show to bring the boys out, but the guys and SEAN! are all here for Chris' interrogating. We play a montage of everyone's respective craziness and contestant Chris tells host Chris that he was just losing his mind LOLZ and he and Doug and Ryan go back to that whole 25/30-year-old argument, which is pretty much the most pointless argument in Bachelorette history. Wolf calls out Ryan for thinking he was better than anyone else, and Kalon slightly defends him, saying that the boys were also threatened by his relationship with Emily. Everyone takes shots at Kalon for being a super-douche, and Kalon's like that's okay, because Chris and Wolf are my friends! And Chris and Wolf both hold their heads down in complete and utter shame.
Kalon gets pulled into Chris' hot seat to relive the worst moments in his life, and Chris decides that Kalon is a terrible person, and Kalon totally agrees. Everyone takes turns and gets their licks on Kalon before Chris asks Kalon which moment he believes what his shittiest moment, and he decides it's the time he called Ricki baggage. DUH.
Ryan is up next in the hot seat and after they play the montage he says "listen. I'm very confident in myself, but I'm also very confident in MYSELF." Which makes sense? Contestant Chris' eyes roll clean to the back of his head. Host Chris asks Ryan if he's sure he's not arrogant and Ryan insists he's not, but contestant Chris is like nopeeeeeeeeee, you definitely are! Ryan insists he's the next Bachelor, and host Chris says NO FUCKING WAY, BRO.
Contestant Chris gets up in the hot seat to go through how pissed he was during his elimination and Chris asks Chris "have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart? Freakin' sucks, bro." Then he gets teary-eyed talking about his fallen soldier bros and I'm not sure where this came in. But he's gonna be on Bachelor Pad next week and all the trailers show him slutting it up, so it can't be that bad, right?
Sean's in the hot seat and here's all you need to know: he's still hot and he's in love with Emily. And he's probably gonna be the next Bachelor.
Emily finally comes out and she and Sean basically confirm that they're f*cking, which is weird because I'm pretty sure the finale's on Sunday. But these smoldering stares going on between the two tell a completely different story, and I kinda need them to get back together. She exchanges pleasantries with Chris and Doug before zeroing in on Kalon, rejecting his wack-ass apology about the "baggage" thing.
Long story short to end the episode: BLOOPER REEL! And then we go through montages of Arie and Jef and how tough this decision will be when it's been painfully obvious all season long that she's choosing Arie. Jef doesn't have a chance on Sunday!
Leftovers
I honestly would be shocked if Sean wasn't The Bachelor at some point. Fans love him!
---
Follow on Ology: Terron R. Moore | TVOlogy
Follow on Twitter: @cityfitch | @TVOlogy
Comments (0)
Be the first to comment!