It's a sad day for Katy Perry devotees and fans of mint-flavored cleavage—according to English gossip rag The Sun and others, the Part Of Me star has been given a stern talking-to by the insurers behind her ongoing Teenage Dream tour. According to Miss Perry, her trademark peppermint bra (you know, the one with the spinning bits) was the culprit behind a recent near-accident involving two of my favorite things: breasts and Katy Perry not singing.
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"My hair got caught in the wheels of my spinning peppermint bra and began to coil around and around," recalls Miss Perry. "I'm forced to just go with it so, by the end of the song, it looked quite like I was licking my own tit. What a girl does for her art."
Now, you and I may hear that and think…. [long pause, staring off into space]… but Perry's insurance providers thought, "Potential injury! Hair! Blood! Bras! Goodness gracious!" (In my imaginary version of this news story, Katy Perry's insurers are bespectacled little nerds from the 1930s.) As Perry explains, "I keep being told the insurers are worried I will injure my neck. I seriously doubt it could be lethal but they want a new bra designed that will not allow hair to be caught up."
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Yes, let's please design a new bra for Katy Perry. A newer, shinier, definitely smaller bra! One with multiple new safeguards we'll need to test out on her over and over and over again. I'd bet there are teams of scientists out there just dying to test their prototype models on Katy Perry's hazardous areas. Let's fix this problem, America, we can't have Katy Perry licking her tits on stage every night! Hmm, I feel another long pause coming on…
Any deep thoughts about Katy Perry's apparently mortally perilous choice in brassieres? Feel free to share them in our comments section below.
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[NME.com]
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