Last time on The Real World, I don't know about Toya and Swift, but Marie/Robb and Laura/Trey were on their way to bangin' each other and everything in life is bliss. Now let's see how fast Laura and Robb can screw that up this week! Episode 3, leggo!
While Brandon's all "I'm alone and life's horrible," Trey explains a crucial rule to hangin' with Trey: DON'T TOUCH HIS F*CKING SOUR STRAWS. Laura insists on staring at Trey and thinking about Trey and licking Trey and Brandon just thinks this is so pathetic.
"You made me lose my bra!" "That was the plan the entire time."
Robb does a front flip and completely breaks his mouth against his knee, bloodying his face and Laura's sheets. But that wasn't as important, apparently, as sticking that damn front flip:
"Mind you, I completely stuck that front flip."
LaToya and Marie go shopping and I don't understand why the show wasted two minutes on that. But oh, Robb and Marie:
"You want some ice?" "I want some YOU, girl!"
Laura convinces Toya that she's trying to take things slow and I think she's also lying to herself. While she's imagining Trey nekkid, Trey's imagining Chelsea naked! So he calls her and talks all about this bitch named Laura who's on his dick ALL THE TIME. Chelsea's bummed. #treyproblems suck, man.
The next day, Robb is on the phone with a complete rando named Emily that he met three weeks before he moved to St. Thomas and she's venting about how she misses him and doesn't want any non-ginger dude inside of her and my thoughts on this are WHY DO YOU HAVE TO F*CK THIS UP FOR ME, ROBB?! The girls tell Marie that she totally should have hooked up with Robb by now, and she admits that she likes him up until him telling her that EMILY'S COMING TO VISIT. Robb angers me. So much.
Trey has some #treyproblems about girls and Laura and sex for Marie's psyche and Marie's like "listen, just be a slut and f*ck Laura!" but Trey's like "listen, I could bring 50 sluts home if I wanted!" and Marie asserts that he should probably just rail Laura first.
Club time! Marie happily drops it low and displays the geographic zones of her ass to Robb before getting really pissed off at this Emily thing. Next thing we know, she's got a bleeding lip! WHY ARE THEY THE SAME PERSON CAN'T THEY JUST BE TOGETHER?!
"How did you cut your mouth open?!" "BECAUSE I'M ASSOCIATED WITH ROB!"
Marie continues getting pissy and calls Robb a brat and Robb is real peeved about it in the confessional before going to bed solo. Meanwhile, Laura wants to know if she and Trey will ever sex and Trey explains that he has to think this through, like thoroughly, like they're definitely not going to have sex this episode because he's a cautious, careful guy. Nope. Definitely not gonna get naked. GOD, I wish I could just make Emily and Chelsea not exist ever.
The next morning, Marie sort-of apologizes to Robb and Laura just likes to spend her time caressing Trey's muscles in the sunlight and Trey decides he kinda really likes Laura unlike everything he was saying last night. Marie massages Robb and HOW CAN THIS SHOW BE SO SEXY AND NO ONE'S DONE IT YET. God, I love them. Especially this cute line:
"I'll do your laundry when I get blood on it."
Laura accepts the Emily/Robb situation and decides that it's time to whore it up, which is actually the exact thing I'd do despite knowing it's stupid. Robb's doing some real GLARING at her while Laura is insisting for the millionth time that Trey GET IN HER BELLY. But THIS IS THE ONE WHERE IT WORKS, GUYS! LAURA OPENS HER BUN AND TREY LETS HIS WEINER OUT AND THEY MAKE A SWEET MEAL! SEX HAPPENS! I guess Brandon just watched?
Laura LITERALLY RUNS TO THE CONFESSIONAL TO TALK ABOUT HOW BIG TREY'S DICK IS, so there's that. Swift warns Trey that sh*t is about to get real now that he railed her way too early. Robb and Marie are back to flirting and neither of them know what to do about each other.
When the gang goes out, Robb surprisingly leaves home early to call Emily while Marie vents to Brandon about how much she likes him. This is horrible. But then Emily tells Robb that she had sex with someone because she's a revenge f*cker (which is the least attractive thing a girl could ever say), and Robb claims he's not mad before getting REALLY MAD and literally breaking the house phone on his face.
Marie comes home to see what Robb is up to, and he explains that he spent the night alone without telling her about the Emily freakout. LaToya eats chicken nuggets sexily for Swift and JESUS LaToya is the hottest chicken nugget eater I've ever seen in my life. Robb and Marie have their first kiss, though! This is great! LaToya and Swift cuddle together but don't get it in, but Trey and Laura definitely did.
Brandon STILL has problems with Laura being Trey's servant, but Trey needs her to fix all of his #treyproblems, which if you've been keeping track so far are 1% Laura, 3% serious unfortunate dad issues and 96% back-ne and abs problems.
Marie and Robb cuddle together and Marie hopes that Robb still tries to get it in with other girls because A) she still wants to get it in with other boys because B) she doesn't want to have sex with Robb because C) she likes him too much and is aware of her tendency to screw things up.
SumOlogy: Bit of a lax episode, but Robb and Marie carry it home for me.
Grade: B-
Leftovers
So did anybody figure out how the broken phone thing happened or did they all just watch it on TV last night?
So Brandon jumped from house loner to house therapist in less than one episode. I'm cool with that.
---
Follow on Ology: Terron R. Moore | TVOlogy
Follow on Twitter: @cityfitch | @TVOlogy
Comments (0)
Be the first to comment!