We love Coldplay, but let's face it—even the band would admit they've had a few creative missteps along the way. (One of them may or may not have been called X&Y…) That said, I frankly can't think of anything they've ever done that rivals the mind-numbing, soul-crushing, almighty-offending lameness of adapting their aimlessly conceptual (I mean, they told us it was a concept album, but did anyone pick up even a single plot point?) album Mylo Xyloto into a six-part comic series.
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What audience is this for, exactly? The "Coldplay fans who love both graphic novels and forced, overwrought vanity projects" crowd? As announced on their official news feed, the project was conceived by the band and Kung Fu Panda co-director Mark Osbourne (yes, it's going to be that good) and will be formally announced at a Comic-Con panel this Friday, where fans can "ask [the creative team] 'Who’s Major Minus?' and 'What the hell's the Hypnofeed all about?'" (because anyone cares) and grab a copy of the debut issue.
Don't get me wrong, the Mylo Xyloto comics might turn out to be very good. We won't know until Friday. But it's a painfully terrible idea. So awful, in fact, that I've compiled a quick list of 10 other ideas that might be just as bad or worse as adapting a Coldplay album not titled Parachutes into a cohesive narrative. Enjoy.
No. 10
Kung Fu Panda.
No. 9
Merging the Yankees and the Mets into one big super-team: the New York Yetis.
No. 8
A new Ben & Jerry's Chinese food flavored ice cream in honor of Jeremy Lin with an appropriately racist-pun name.
No. 7
A new Broadway musical directed by Julie Taylor set entirely inside the mind of Jeffrey Dahmer.
No. 6
Coca-Cola BlāK.
No. 5
Re-releasing Last Tango In Paris in 3D.
No. 4
Wind-powered cars.
No. 3
A highly anticipated Hollywood adaptation of 50 Shades Of Grey starring Mickey Rourke as Christian Grey and Miss Piggy as Anastasia Steele.
No. 2
Voting for Mitt Romney.
And, lastly…
No. 1
Writing a really amazing song called "Moving To Mars" and leaving it off your album.
Have any other bad ideas that might compete with the Mylo Xyloto comic series? Hit up our comments section below.
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Follow on Twitter: @Erasurehead | @Music_Ologists
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