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True Heir To British Throne Dies In Forklift Accident

JT Langley
HumorOlogy
2 Comments
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So, this all needs some explaining before I delve into things: after some work done back in 2004, Channel Four dropped a documentary titled Britain's Real Monarch on Mike Hastings, a British-born man who relocated to Australia in 1960, and considered wrench in the entire lineage of the British monarchy's rule. 

As things go, some historians argue that Hastings is the true heir to the British throne rather than Queen Elizabeth II, being that he is the 14th earl of Loudoun, and a member of England's House of York, which sets him in an interesting position given the nature of documents found at France's Rouen Cathedral awhile back.

So say the scrolls, King Edward IV, who ruled from 1461 to 1483, was illegitimate, as his father Richard of York, during the War of Roses, was busy fighting the French, while his mother was far off essentially "nailing" an English archer. However, Eddy, assumed to be the child of Richard and his wife, received the crown despite all of this, and the argument goes that the crown should have rightfully been passed down to Eddy's younger brother George, the duke of Clarence, who Hastings is a direct descendant of. Yeah, it's all confusing as hell, and I probably got something wrong in there, but such is the nature of a writer trying to relay the work of historians, especially when he hates British history.

Anyway, all that established, Hastings passed away today at the age of 71 in a forklifting accident, which, you know, doesn't really fit the nature of a king, though it is what it is. Hastings leaves behind more royal descendants, though it doesn't seem likely they'll wedge the crown away from the current thronees across the pond.

Here's Britain's Real Monarch if you're interested. Long live King Hastings.

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Comments (2)

Anthony profile picture
Anthony Schneck: WHAT KIND OF FORKLIFTING ACCIDENT WAS IT???????
July 5, 2012
Jason profile picture
Jason Collins: "Hastings passed away today at the age of 71 in a fork lifting accident, which, you know, doesn't really fit the nature of a king, though it is what it is." Damn, RIP.
July 5, 2012