Hometown visits week! There are only four guys left on The Bachelorette, and I'm pulling for Arie and Sean to make it to the next round with Emily- I've been a little mixed on Jef, and I don't even know who Chris is at all, but his butch queen stunt last week has certainly put him on my shit list. Here are my thoughts on the family rounds; keep in mind that this is still Arie's game to lose.
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Chris brings Emily home to Chicago, where she's still like "eh, he's nice, but I don't know if I'd split it and let him hit it." Chris address his bitch move during last week's elimination and tries to apologize for it, and I hate that he comes off a little sweeter than I expected during it. Like, aw shucks sweet, which is the best kind. He clearly lights up when he talks about his family (self-proclaimed momma's boy FTW), but his whole "my parents are gonna be pumped to meet their future daughter-in-law" statement is complete overkill. Emily grills Chris' dad on whether or not he could handle Ricki and he's basically like "don't really know but he'll love you pretty well unless you don't want to be loved in which case leave us the f*ck alone." Chris' mom totes believes that he's in love with Emily, and he finally gets to tell her that. Dammit, I wish I didn't dig this as much as I actually did.
Jef invites Emily out to his ranch in Nebraska or Utah or Oklahoma or something, and Jef's all "gosh, you're so pretty" before he takes her for rides in his go-kart and shooting guns at clay pigeons and being southern and WTF, when was Jef a southern badass? GOD, I HATE HOW MUCH I LIKE HIM RIGHT NOW. I guess Jef's parents are busy, so Emily's gonna meet his siblings instead. He comes clean to Em that he's broken up with a girlfriend because his family didn't like her. There's a bit of a Mexican standoff when everyone first meets, and I can't tell if the siblings are apprehensive or cannibals. But they seem nice enough, and have lots of questions for Emily, like "really?" and "REALLY?" and "what makes love work?" and "SERIOUSLY, REALLY?" Emily asks the sisters about Jef being a family with herself and Ricki and they respond with a "yes? We think so? We'll say what you think is right?" But Emily stuttering through whether or not she is in love with Jef sealed the deal, despite the fact that he wrote her the cutest love note in Bachelorette history. He has to be the one to go home. He is 12, after all.
Arie takes Emily Indy Car Racing in Charlotte and she still thinks he's "stupid hot". For some reason, Arie feels the need to warn Em: "Listen, my Dutch parents are way different than all the other parents in the world, my dad's super awesome but my mom can be a complete bitch." I'm pretty sure every single person in America said "sounds like my parents." They greet and chat, and Arie's mom does get pretty bitchy, randomly speaking code in Dutch. But she takes Emily aside and reveals that she's a HUGE Bachelorette fan and WTF HAPPENED WITH BRAD?! Em explains that they didn't have the same fundamental values, but she and Arie might! Arie's dad basically thinks Emily is pretty so it's okay if his song proposes to her. Which is a weird thing to say, but okay. Arie's totally safe, either way.
Sean is just strutting around the Dallas wilderness with his two dogs and his massive, massive arms. Emily's like "yeah, I could see myself doing this every day so long as he's good at sex" or something. Sean reveals that his last relationship ended because he doesn't know why, and he'll never allow a girl to give herself to him if he can't reciprocate. This is sweet and all, but their chemistry pales in comparison to Arie and even Jef. Sean's got a nice house, and also giant man pecs and he's also good with kids because his niece starts screeching and running when she sees him and he's also probably got a pretty big penis. Sean plays a joke on Emily saying that he still lives at home, and she COMPLETELY FREAKS OUT at the least funny prank in Bachelorette history. The visit sucked because Sean wore a shirt the whole time, but I peeped that she called him "honey" as she left! AND THEN HE RAN FOR ANOTHER KISS AGAIN! I bet you he's safe.
So who went home on The Bachelorette? Well FIRST, Chris Harrison, Asshole Extraordinare, points out that Sean is the only guy who hasn't told Emily he's in love with her, but Emily seems secure in their relationship. Then Emily starts crying and dreading the elimination after meeting all of their families. She brings herself into the ceremony explicitly stating that her decision was based on where she feels she is in her relationships with each of the men. Arie gets a rose, Jef gets a rose, and then... Sean grabs the last one. Chris is the one sent home, and unfortunately so. I was just starting to like the guy. He's really pissed about going home. He did tell her he loved her, after all, and it's breaking her heart to watch him this angry. This is a sucky, sucky week.
What did you think of tonight's Bachelorette? Did the right guy go home? Let us know in the comments!
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