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Seven Hospitalized After Naked Carjacker Strikes Scottsdale, Arizona

JT Langley
HumorOlogy

Listen: most of us have had our own instances of fender benders, sideswipes, playing Mario Kart with pedestrians, running red lights, tailgating, giving the passenger side nudge to your local rice burner or Old Man Sampson in Ben-Hur fashion, flicking a cigarette into the backseat, thus leading to a helter skelter meandering across a three lane highway while trying to retrieve it, trying to looking cool by pretending you have a suicide knob on your wheel as you turn though slipping, possibly carving through a neighbors lawn, or lolloping over a McDonalds parking block, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. I, however, have never actually run into the street following a driving mishap (maybe you have), stripped down to my bare ass, and gone on a carjacking spree, so I suppose that's something to aim for on the bucket list, as was done by the mental health-lacking John Brigham in Scottsdale, Arizona on Saturday.

So goes the story from the bacon (that means "police"), Brigham was involved in an accident around 1:30, and rather than exchanging insurance info with the other party involved, he decided to drop trou and claw his way to the roof of a Honda CR-V, an excellent choice of car, at least in my opinion, for waving your unit at passing traffic.

After that matter was settled in what I assume was some primordial act of male dominance, Brigham carjacked a passing woman, sped down the street nailing this, that, causing a five car wreck, and eventually (so it says), hitting a pregnant woman before going grill-to-grill with a Chevy pickup that resulted in him being launched from the vehicle.

All that accomplished, Brigham then tried to carjack additional vehicles, though failed before being arrested. He left seven hospitalized in his wake, and the burning image of his buff branded on some local road of Scottsdale, Arizona. Plus, some poor child is going to learn that while in his mother's stomach, a naked man almost negated his birth.

Here's some video footage for your viewing pleasure:

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