Everyone and their mothers are talking about the NBA Draft today, because it represents infinite potential. Unless you're a Knicks fan. Forget November, when these kids will have to play actual NBA games (unless you're a Knicks pick!); for now, let's talk about upside. Let's talk about length. Let's talk about reachability. Let's talk freakish athletes. Let's get all sweaty homoerotic with these draft picks.
After a cold shower, we noticed that this year's draft seems to have a much higher human interest on the internets. Maybe it's because any clown can give the draft grades, but that's getting tiresome and worthless. Take CBS Sports, for example; they gave the Sacramento Kings an A+ for making an obvious pick of Thomas Robinson at number five. Also, aren't Robinson and DeMarcus Cousins naturally going to be a rebounding force without addressing chemistry/scoring issues? Also, why are the Kings rewarded for assembling a shitty team? Also... never mind.
Anywho, since the internet is more interested in presenting you with the STORY BEHIND THE STORY, we'll make things easy on you and round up all the themes that seem to be floating in the ether today. Let's do it.
1. College teammates Anthony Davis and Michael Kidd-Gilchrist selected with first two picks of draft (First time Kentucky teammates have gone 1-2).
Can you BELIEVE that a college with a reputation for recruiting NBA-ready players just won a national championship and saw two of its key players drafted with the first two picks? Wow, neither can we. It's the NBA's near equivalent of Courtney Brown and LaVar Arrington going 1-2 in the 2000 NFL Draft.
2. Fans hate David Stern, boo him for a really, really long time.
That'll happen when you're a condescending control freak who recently oversaw a labor stoppage. This isn't the best video, but BuzzFeed slapped their name over a better video of fans booing Stern. I guess they bought the rights to NBA Draft footage?
3. Michael Kidd-Gilchrist has a speech impediment (stuttering).
Kidd-Gilchrist is known as a hard worker and a high-character guy whose tenacity and blah blah blah he's a stutterer. Bill Simmons caught some flack for making fun of Gilchrist's post-draft interview, even though Simmons didn't know MKG had a speech impediment. In spite of his disability, MKG overcame it to become an NBA player.
I can think of three people who stutter: MKG, that king from The King's Speech, and Brett Jackson, a kid I went to elementary school with. At least two of those three people are/were extremely successful. I assume Brett Jackson is dead. So. Two out of three people with a stuttering speech impediment go on to experience fame and fortune!
4. 27-year-old Bernard James, an Iraq War vet, was selected in the second round.
The crowd erupted in a "U-S-A!" chant after they were told about James' service, apparently showing support for America's massive successes in the Middle East. Or something. Either way, congrats to James.
5. Kentucky and North Carolina each had four players selected in the first round.
Further proving that the NCAA is the NBA's minor league system. You have to love amateur athletics!
6. Dwight Howard is still in Orlando.
Not exactly a draft storyline, but Houston made all these big draft moves and never pulled off a blockbuster trade. Oh well. Daryl Morey still has two more seasons (I think) to trade on his "genius" tag.
7. The Indiana Pacers drafted a white guy.
Miles Plumlee, from Duke. What a shock. Meanwhile...
8. The Minnesota Timberwolves are working on an all-white starting five.
Via Reddit. It's a scary prospect, but it's one we may have to deal with come November. Of course, the proposed starting five is a reach, with Ricky Rubio, Luke Ridnour, Chase Budinger, Nikola Pekovic and Kevin Love as the proposed starters. A few injuries and/or weed arrests (Michael Beasley?), and this is more than a possibility. Also, Rubio needs to have Wolverine-esque recovery abilities, specifically in his ACL region.
We should mention here that the T-Wolves' lone pick was Purdue's Robbie Hummels late in the second round.
There you have it. That's all you need to know about the 2012 NBA Draft, so don't bother checking any other site for information. None of it will help you.
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