If you planned a summer vacation to Colorado Springs, 1) Why? Pike's Peak? Overrated, and 2) CANCEL IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE IT'S THE EPICENTER OF THE APOCALYPSE!
Wildfires have forced the evacuation of 32,000 residents, which is a lot of fucking residents, and as you can see from the picture above, smoke has blotted out the sun, a sure sign The Reckoning is at hand. There are reportedly eight separate fires in the area, and they recently invaded neighorhoods, presumably driven by the chariots of four horsemen.
As Ology's resident weather expert (though my specialty is space weather), perhaps I can help the layman make sense of these devastating fires, which very obviously mark the beginning of the end of the world. My research has helped me discern five major causes of the fires that threaten to end and/or irrevocably change life as we know it in and around Colorado Springs. They are as follows:
1) Unreasonably dry conditions due rampant seeding failures.
2) The Antichrist was born in the form of a jackal just a few months ago.
3) Jesus Christ.
4) The Earth, unable to recover from an unusually warm winter, has been hotter than usual.
5) The Coriolis effect has rotated the air currents to focus hot, highly pressurized air directly over Colorado Springs.
It's difficult for the uneducated reader to understand these causes, but I can recommend anyone who may be affected by the fires to evacuate immediately, drink plenty of water (prevents spontaneous combustion), and pray vociferously.
More updates as they become available.
---
Follow on Ology: Anthony Schneck | Weird Stories and News
Follow on Twitter: @AnthonyOlogy | @OlogySports
[The Guardian]
Comments (0)
Be the first to comment!