Remember that scene in every cheesy gladiator movie ever filmed when the two war ships ram into each other and all the prisoners below deck attempt feebly to brace for impact? That's sort of how I think we're all feeling about Green Day's upcoming trilogy of new albums: ¡Uno! (Sept. 25), ¡Dos! (Nov. 13) and ¡Tre! (Jan. 15). Even if you're not exactly bursting at the seams to hear how Billie Joe & Co. have opted to follow up 2009's 21st Century Breakdown, it's clear that we'll be hearing a lot more new Green Day music this fall than we bargained for.
Just moments ago, the band's official Twitter account sent out the announcement that the first single from ¡Uno! will be the song "Oh Love," which you'll be able to download, stream, steal and (go nuts, grandpa) request on your local radio station starting July 16. What do we expect to hear on our first official taste of the three-album onslaught? I've got a few guesses.
No. 1
As expected, the band will shed its bombastic, Broadway punk sound in favor of a leaner, tighter, more focused rock 'n' roll vibe. Take three copies of the Foxboro Hot Tubs album, crunch 'em together in a compact disc sandwich and I think you'll get the idea.
No. 2
The song's chorus (or maybe even one of the verses) will, in some way, incorporate the words "oh" and "love." Possibly more than once. Maybe even repeatedly.
No. 3
Billie Joe Armstrong will attempt the impossible by performing lead vocals and playing electric guitar simultaneously.
No. 4
The song will feature background vocals, which will be performed by bassist Mike Dirnt and not, as previously presumed, a homeless bum living out behind the band's recording studio.
No. 5
Each copy of ¡Uno! will feature "Oh Love" somewhere in the tracklist. At least a couple hundred Green Day fans will be severely confused and alarmed by this.
No. 6
Tre Cool will almost certainly be playing the drums somewhere on the track.
No. 7
"Oh Love" will not, in fact, be a note-for-note re-recording of an old Green Day song. It will be a totally new, previously unreleased Green Day composition.
No. 8
It will feature at least two extended kazoo solos.
No. 9
Each person who hears it will have a different, alternately favorable or dissatisfied reaction to it. Only a rare few people who hear Green Day's "Oh Love" will have absolutely no idea what has just happened to them.
No. 10
No ducks were harmed during the recording sessions.
Have any more predictions about Green Day's new single? Let us know in the comments section below.
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