Name a show that features better guest stars than Franklin & Bash, now! Time's up, you couldn't do it, and now you need to commit ritualistic seppuku to avoid bringing shame upon your family. Tough break, guy. You should have known that FnB bring the noise when it comes to big-name stars; Season 2 has already given us scenes with Kevin Nealon, Sean Astin and Jane Seymour.
This week gets even better, with Cybill Shepherd AND Seth Green AND RICK FUCKING FOX (!!!) appearing in the same episode! It's about a dog! But is it really about a dog, or is the dog a metaphor for the value of emotional attachment over materialism, a symbol of the fading past which contains our great loves, a stand-in for the Platonic ideal of unconditional love, a reminder that even our best intentions are fraught with the evil desires within our souls?
I have no idea. But it was a pretty solid episode.
| Last Week's Recap: "Viper" |
MAIN CASE: Evanthia "Stanton's Ex" Steele wants to keep custody of her dog, Lulu
Stanton Infeld's ex-wife's name is Evanthia, which is bullshit because if you invite a famous guest star to appear in an episode, you better give her an easy name to remember. Whatever. Evanthia has a dog named Lulu, but some BITCH named Carrie is trying to take her away, claiming the dog "doesn't belong to Evanthia." Damien has to hand the case to FnB because he once hit on Evanthia at a family event. Sounds HOTT!!!
FnB must do battle with their doppelgangers, Jango and Rossi, who get in their heads by claiming that they've sold their souls to work for the wealthy, the privileged, the white. It's kind of true. FnB face a moral quandary, and they take a pounding (!) in court when Jango and Rossi pull some unorthodox moves to convince the jury that JnR's client,, Carrie Dutton, is the rightful owner of the Yorkie. Calling the dog as a witness, only to release her as the jury watches Lulu run to Carrie. CLASSIC FnB stunt.
See, Evanthia pulled some nefarious moves, like, oh, STEALING THE DOG to claim ownership of it. But surely there are some extenuating circumstances, no?
There are. RICK FOX (NBA FINALS WEEK!) plays Andre Carson, the rightful owner of the dog and Carrie's ex-boyfriend. Carrie was so mad at Carson that she stole his dog AND his shirt, which is why Lulu -- actual name: Lady Bow Wow -- ran to Carrie. NOBODY forgets Rick Fox's scent.
Anywho, FnB win. Again.
SECONDARY CASE: Cheesemaker duped into robbing pizza parlor
A nameless (he has a name, but I forgot it because HOLY SHIT this NBA Finals game is insane), sniveling sort of nice dude cheesemaker comes to our heroes with a 25% discount coupon, which he needs because he's broke, he lost his job, and his father has emphysema. Yikes! All this forced him to rob a pizsa parlor, which he accomplished by fashioning a gun out of cheese. For realz.
Damien Karp and Pindar take this one, because Damien needs to trade out of the Evanthia case, and the two of them form quite the dynamic duo. The video of our friendly cheesemaker robbing Lucky Louie's pizza shop has gone viral, and the prosecution wants to make an example of him; they refuse a plea deal.
But something ain't right here; did sniveling cheesemaker conceive of this plot on his own? No. No he didn't. After some digging, Pindar discovers that LOUIE HIMSELF and partner/food vendor Chuck Hillendbrand conceived of incepting snivveling cheesemaker with the idea for a pizza parlor heist in order to create a viral marketing campaign... and it would've worked, too, if it hadn't been for those meddling lawyers!
Karp and Pindar -- KnP? -- win the case, and as payment decide to charge 12 wheels of Camembert cheese.
TERTIARY STORYLINE: Stanton and Evanthia make sexual fireworks!
A bit of a thin tertiary storyline this week, but Stanton and Evanthia CLEARLY have chemistry. After all this talk about Stantons heartbreaking and his five ex-wives, we learn that Evanthia dumped HIM, and he's been a shell of a man ever since. Something like that.
Unfortunately for Stanton, his last-ditch effort -- buying Evanthia a dog -- fails when he realizes she's banging Rick Fucking Fox. Let me tell you something: You don't go from banging Rick Fucking Fox to copulating with mere mortals. There's at LEAST a three-year "layover" period between banging Rick Fucking Fox and returning to the world of typical lovemaking.
SumOlogy: Old people like to make the sexiness too, sometimes. And dogs are better than cats.
Grade: B+
LEFTOVERS
-Seth Green rocking a ginger beard! Disgusting.
-Franklin and Bash confront their first brush with moral uncertainty, and the results are STELLAR. They're still the same guys. Fuck Jango and Rossi. Those guys are poor imitators with affected scruples. Franklin and Bash, in spite of Jango and Rossi's taunts, STILL stand up for what's right, careers as corporate defense lawyers notwithstanding.
-Jango and Rossi dig cats. FnB dig dogs. 'Nuff said.
-LET THE DOG DECIDE!!!
-Have you ever given away a bag that's worth $75,000? Well, Cybill Shepherd has, in real life AND on this television program.
-The episode opens with FnB on motorcycles. I would bet an intern's life that this is their way of using studio money to learn how to ride motorcycles. GUARAN-SHEED!
-Moar Janie Ross, pleez! I feel like I'm the only one carrying the torch here. What the fuck, everyone else?
-Stanton Infeld doesn't go for the elusive G-spot anymore because he's discovered the K-spot. Sort of like a K-hole, only way, WAY better.
-80% of a dog's memory is smell. I will accept that as fact.
-"We gotta change the culture, not have the culture change us."
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Follow on Ology: Anthony Schneck | Franklin & Bash
Follow on Twitter: @AnthonyOlogy | @OlogySports
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